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Who Are You?

A tongue-in-cheek NERF rant.

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#1 Pineapple

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 12:44 PM

I’ve been frequenting Nerf-related forum boards since 2001, when I unceremoniously joined Nerf Online, largely as an observer. I also claim membership at various other discussion forums, in topics ranging from Microsoft Flight Simulator, to potato and spud guns, to fishing, to ocean kayaks, to modified golf carts, to family oriented forums.

I’ve observed the differing kind of flora and fauna that inhabit these said boards, and have drawn up several conclusive observations, in this instance concerning the forum boards pertaining to NERF products….

1) The “Nerfer”. This is the forum member who joins a board because he is genuinely and sincerely interested in Nerf, the amazing world of modifying Nerf blasters for improved performance, and conducting the mode of play that has been the traditional standard of Nerfers since my memory serves me (4-5 years back); Capture the Flag, and Elimination/ death match, and some others. They form loosely knit groups called clans, enjoy life, and shoot the breeze on the boards. I'm sure this represents the silent (and not-so silent) majority.

2) The Forum Boss. These are folks who post primarily to work on getting a self-appointed title, posting a comment or two on practically every single subject under the sun. They are primarily active in the Off-Topic forums, where neither experience with playing or modifying Nerf blasters is a prerequisite for carrying on a decent discussion without making themselves look stupid, or like a bucket full of bullshit. They lean on the fact that they have a tremendous number of posts, as though post count were IQ, when oftentimes the most intelligent of posters have relatively low counts for their commensurate time as a user. Thankfully, the site that used to award titles for post counts has stopped the practice, and post count simply means that they have that much more spare time on their hands to talk about trivial matters.

Forum Bosses are not to be confused with Administrators, who basically rule your life on these boards, and can be identified by red lettering on their online status usernames, which represents the blood of users who fall by their wrath. I speak well of them so as not to get a Viking axe or gun called “Binky” shoved into my nether regions.

3) The “toy soldier”. This is the forum member who believes that Nerf GUNS are in fact, guns. They modify and paint their blasters mainly to resemble the latest assault rifle, combat piece, and insist that fully automatic Nerf blasters have to look like an M-60 machine gun or P90. They practically worship Boltsniper for his FAR, and Starbuck for his belt-fed machine gun (which they promise they’re going to make…someday). They call nerf darts and stefans, "bullets". They Nerf using the latest pseudo-military tactics that they saw on “Navy Seals” or read about in “Soldier of Fortune”, with camouflage BDUs, body armor, and would use Kevlar helmets given the opportunity, despite the fact that Nerf darts don’t even penetrate the human body. They insist that scopes and Night Vision devices that cost 20 times what a Big Bad Bow costs are the way to go, and post countless posts about grenades, mines, bayonets, and Claymore-type devices. God forbid when they see my Light Artillery piece.

4) The Nerf Assassin. A recent influx of these makes this forum member worth mentioning. They are involved in “assassin” type games on either high school or college campuses, and insist that they are the only “real” type of Nerf game play, and that all others are imitations. They love the Nite Finder and Maverick, believe strongly in Nerf losing, silencers, bipods, listening devices and binoculars, and don’t mind using 2-3 bucks of gas to drive around the neighborhood to infiltrate/ eliminate opponents…with a spring powered dart gun. They’d be willing to sit in someone’s hallway all night while their “target” is out having a nice dinner or seeing a movie so they can ‘eliminate’ them. They have the stealth of a Ninja, but probably couldn’t dodge much from a seasoned CTF team in a 3:15 speed match. For some reason or other their Nite Finders or Mavs seem to have a tremendous range advantage over those who mod them for more conventional play...maybe it's the long hallways. They have fun, but not without trying to proselytize the masses to become like them.

5) The Nerf Low Rider. These folks love their Nerf blasters as a canvas of expression. They spend hours masking, painting, detailing, and assembling their blasters...for what I'm not sure, because they don't want the "paint to get scratched or smudged." Unlike the Bagheads who make wonderful masterpieces and take them into the combat zone, these guys are worried about resale value, which would be affected if there were scuff marks on their weapons, which in reality doesn't affect performance in any way. Whoever decides to fabricate Nerf blaster/ gun display cases/ racks stands to make a small fortune from this crowd.

6) The friggin’ Troll (and close variants/ mutants). These are people who have no life outside of causing trouble on forum boards. In the case of Nerf boards, they may be AirSoft or paintball players who somehow feel like they validate their hobby by crapping up someone’s Nerf board, making it out to be “for wusses, sissies, girlie-men”, and other such juvenile playground name-calling….without realizing what asses they make themselves look like. They attempt to break forum rules, from subtle (like “speling” errors), to extreme (mouthing off to site admins and webmasters), all the while not realizing that the admin is ready to call Comcast, Verizon, or WebTV and have their Internet service revoked, if not at least suspended for 27.9 years from the site. Or, they could just be…

7) The retard. Sometimes it’s just that there are some that are not meant to be using forum boards for intelligent discussion. Sure, they may be functional in society and valuable in either the food service, or janitorial arts industries, or at the very least become military weapons testers…but for some reason or other they do things like ask redundant questions…ask vague generalizations that are almost ‘no-brainers’ to answer…or post ‘best gun’ threads. I think that the admins don’t suspend these, just out of pity for the less equipped…or allow them to be eliminated by natural selection or just having nothing more to say, which usually comes around 50 posts or so. Others need to be suspended for mercy reasons.

8) The stodgy old coot. He usually grumbles quietly, and posts a rant every now and then. He takes his frustration out by chopping up and modifying a blaster, cutting and porting plastic barrels, or working on the “forever F.A.R.”. You wonder why he still loves Nerf, other than the fact that his kids love it so much. He really should be out golfing, or gardening, or playing backgammon and dominoes in the park. But he keeps coming back for more...

And he’s usually nicknamed Piney. You can't pick mine, I'd wipe you out at dominoes.


-Piney-

EDIT; It's meant to be somewhat humorous...if you're offended, you need help beyond what a Nerf discussion board can offer.

EDIT 2: Okay, lots of gearheads. Just vote Nerfer and make a comment on it. I actually spend more time gearheading then Nerfing, only because victims are in short supply here.

Edited by Pineapple, 02 March 2006 - 06:14 PM.

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<!--quoteo(post=209846:date=Feb 5 2009, 06:27 PM:name=boom)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(boom @ Feb 5 2009, 06:27 PM) View Post</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
It's to bad you live in hawaii I bet there are not many wars there.Wait what am I saying<b> you live in hawaii you lucky bastard.</b>
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

#2 Talio

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 12:54 PM

Where's the option for pissed off son of a bitch who helps run the place and doesn't have time to wipe his ass properly, let alone going and shooting a teenager in the face with a nerf dart? Huh? Where is the voice for my race of man? This is an outrage!

Talio.

PS. See idiot in next post.
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#3 z80

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 12:57 PM

I'm saying toy soldier, cause I'm the guy who like stealthely leads my freinds to the enemy, then do some handsignal and one of my teammates scream out "What does that mean?!?!" :cry:
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#4 Pineapple

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 01:02 PM

Where's the option for pissed off son of a bitch who helps run the place and doesn't have time to wipe his ass properly, let alone going and shooting a teenager in the face with a nerf dart?  Huh?  Where is the voice for my race of man?  This is an outrage!

Talio.

Dude...you can put the axe down now.

I'd make a category for "overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, on the edge, in need of some good microbrew", but I'm afraid I'd gravitate in that direction, too.

And I gave up the suds again.


-Piney-
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<!--quoteo(post=209846:date=Feb 5 2009, 06:27 PM:name=boom)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(boom @ Feb 5 2009, 06:27 PM) View Post</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
It's to bad you live in hawaii I bet there are not many wars there.Wait what am I saying<b> you live in hawaii you lucky bastard.</b>
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

#5 Carbon

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 01:02 PM

Ah yes, forum achetypes...reminds me of the old "Flame Warriors" site, which describes 40 or so poster types...

But back to the subject. Naturally, I didn't quite find myself, so I figured I'd expand on your choices.

Tongue firmly in cheek, of course.

9) The Gearhead: This guy spends a huge amount of time modifying his blasters, or building his own, but never seems to be able to actually get out and Nerf. Whether it's because he can't talk his friends into it, or just a lack of interest in actually going outside, this mad scientist spends all his time cooped up, trying to coax more distance from his creations. Nevermind that the only target that they'll ever be pointed at is the wall.

Yeah, that's me...although my daughter and I have a helluva lot of fun shooting at the Tech Target. I hope to finally change it this year, though...I've been working on my friends. Considering the number of them who already own Nerf blasters, it's a wonder we've never ended up running around like rabid wombats before.

EDIT: Okay, put in my vote for Nerfer...although it was close between that and The Old Coot.

Edited by Carbon, 02 March 2006 - 08:53 PM.

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#6 J cobbers

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 01:44 PM

10) The Veteran, active on the forums enough to be noticed, but still puts effort into modifications and actually getting out and flinging foam around. Works hard on the forums to put down trolls and morons, and provide imput to the new members that take the time to learn the ropes. Basically someone who's been involved in the hobby long enough to know what they are talking about and old enough to have lost their toleration for people who act like fools.
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#7 Sixo

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 01:50 PM

I like Carbon's addition, because I would have to say that I fall under that category. Yes, my reason being that my friends really aren't as interested in Nerf as I am, despite them owning a few blasters themselves. Nevertheless, I love modding and messing around with my blasters. Chalk another one up for the Gearheads, Carbon.

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#8 davidbowie

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 02:43 PM

I'd have to say I'm a gearhead too. I actually don't own any nerf guns right now: all homemades.
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#9 Black Wrath

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 03:57 PM

I chose "The Nerfer" because I truely believe that I am. I modify blasters and go out with my buddies to have a good time. I've formed the CFM clan and had fun trying to have a big turn out for my clan's Nerf-outs.

I post alot, and I notice that my majority is in Off-Topic, but I think that alot of people can look at my post history and see alot of contributions to this site, including two hosted write-ups.

And Cobbers, I think Piney left out the "Veteran" category for a reason. People like you just think that time, and a post count average of under 1.5 per day makes you a veteran of Nerf. There are perhaps 12 veterans of Nerf left today that are worth mentioning, but shall not be.

I also notice that no one is admitting to belonging in any of the more derrogatory categories.

And can you not vote in your own polls, Piney? Represent the old guys!
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#10 NerfMonkey

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 04:13 PM

I voted Nerfer, because although I only have one person to play with (although I plan on going to almost all future DCNOs), I like to mod my guns and use them. I'm in to pretty paintjobs, but not to the extent that I won't use my creations in a battle.

I'm a bit self-important and tend to yell at people a lot, and most of the time that I act like part of the staff, I don't even realize it.

I like to Nerf, and although I post entirely too much and have a post average of 1.7 per day, I still like to go to a friend's house and shoot the crap out of them with my favorite guns. If that's not a Nerfer, what is?
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#11 LDM

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 04:30 PM

I'm more of a lurker. I read the boards almost everyday, rarely post, and have never had a Nerf war.

Why do I Nerf?

I enjoy modifying guns occasionally. I do quite a few searches on this site, trying to find some more knowledge. The thing is, I feel that most of the stuff posted isn't overly original. Therefore, unless what I have to say is extremely important and will add to the value of this site, I won't.

When I do a modification, I'll study it for a day or so, make sure I have time to start and finish it, clear off the work bench, and do it. I've been into Nerf since I was about 10. Since then, I've done less than ten modifications. I'm 13 now. Some may tell me to get off of the computer and get outside, but I enjoy reading, even if I won't ever use it in my life.
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#12 hoshiadam

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 04:58 PM

Gearhead here also. More like newbie gearhead though.

I don't think I'll ever attend a nerf war, but I'll probably use one of the weapons I've modded in a scifi larp at some point. Or to scare off small animals.

Adam
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#13 ompa

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 06:39 PM

Gearhead all the way. Brookfield has made any sort of projectile firing toy/gun illegal. That includes nerf guns, as me and Airapache called the police and were told to not play around with them, even on our own properties.

That may change assuming I get accepted to an East-coast college in a month or two. Then, I'll have to deal with the likes of Talio, Shindig, and such in person. Yikes.

~ompa
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#14 pinhead52

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 06:50 PM

I voted retard to make up for all the retards who don't know they are... which might be me too.
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#15 J cobbers

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 06:55 PM

And Cobbers, I think Piney left out the "Veteran" category for a reason. People like you just think that time, and a post count average of under 1.5 per day makes you a veteran of Nerf. There are perhaps 12 veterans of Nerf left today that are worth mentioning, but shall not be.

Black Wrath you couldn't be more wrong. Forgive me I'm feeling defensive so I'm putting on a bit of a rant and it is probably a bit overboard:

What I mean is that Vets are people who have years of experiance with nerf guns, and who know what they are talking about. You'll notice I didn't say outright I was a veteran, I just posted it as a category. Of course making that post implys I think of myself as a Vet, which is true. I haven't been around the INC as long as others but I also know what I'm talking about most of the time, I still nerf when I can, and mod guns and I don't place value on post count, but rather on content. I'm not a post whore, if you read what I say, you might notice it almost always a point or is relevant to the topic.
I've been in the INC for 6 years, I've played with nerf guns since I was in middle school, and I'm now 25 years old.

The reason I didn't put myself in anyother category is that they don't fit well enough. I don't have the free time to nerf on a regular basis or have a clan ect. to be a 'nerfer'.
I don't really fit in the forum boss catgory, specifically as I hardly ever post in the Off topic forum, and I have never relied on my post count as a measure of my contributions to the board.
I'm not crazy enough or obsessed enough with nerf to be a toy soldier, nor have I ever played circle of assassins (though I did play a LARP in college that used nerf guns as the main form of weaponry).
I challenge you to show me that I'm either a Troll or a Retard, and finally I'm just not old enough to be an Old co
I've only taken the time to paint one of my guns, and I haven't cared that the paint job is full of scratches and places were the paint is wearing off (It's my favorite though my modded NF). I no troll, nor retard, and I'm too young to be a stodgy old coot (at least I hope so, besides I don't know how to play dominos, so I'm sure Piney would school my ass there :lol:
Finally I don't fit into Carbon's Gearhead category either, as I do actually get out and nerf (usually with the Merry Men of Michigan these days) once and awhile, and I had that LARP thing while I was in Undergrad).

So there you have it. I think I'm pretty much a veteran. Not becuase of my post count, but because I've been playing with these things for more than half my life. I had an Arrow storm when they came out way back in 1993, when I was 12 and played with it for years until it broke beyond repair. I had a chain blazer and yellow tanked Larami SM2K when they came out too.
I used to play king of the hill wit my cousins useing nerf guns and foam balls. Who ever was at the top got to shoot anyone climbing the hillside, while they tried to do the same. If you got hit you had to roll down the hill and try to get back to the top before you were shot. If you got to the top, one of the two kings had to roll down as well and you took their place.
I really got into nerf and modifications when I went to college, got a couple of Secret shot 2's and discovered the INC through Nerf Online and Nerf Center back in 2000. A couple years ago, I would not have considered myself a 'veteran' (proably a 'nerfer' but then I was more active with the aforementioned LARP) of the Boards or Nerfing in general; but today I feel I can handle any nerf gun comfortably, mod guns pretty darn well, make my own stephans, I know what I'm talking about, have learned to get irritated by 'newbies' rather than tolerate them anymore and most importantly I've got a nice stock pile of foam flingers under my bed that are some of my favorite possessions.

Maybe I'm not one of the ''12 veterns of nerf today that are worth mentioning, but shall not be'' what ever that is supposed to mean. (what makes them worth mentioning but then deciding not too? Honestly either suck up to someone by saying you think they are some sort of nerf god or don't imply it. I'm not trying to be arrogant, or place myself on a pedistal, as yes there are people with more nerfing experiance and know-how, but I think I have gotten to a point in my experiance with nerf that where I can confiedently call myself a vetran at this whole nerf thing.

Hell if you think using the term vetran is too much, I'll call it being an 'old hat nerfer', 'nerf guru', 'experianced nerf hobbyist' or 'guy who know his shit when it comes to nerf'. Tell you what Black Wrath, you come up with an acceptably appropriate title that encompases they category I'm trying to describe and I'll use it as the title for the nerfing archetype I'm trying to convey. I'll even see if CXWQ will use it in place of my 'member' status that show up under my Avatar pic. Deal?

So give me a better term for someone who has been playing with nerf guns for over half their life, been seriously into nerf and active on the NIC for 6 years, and has plenty of experiance with nerf guns that can be used advise to new members who haven't been foolish enough to get themselves banned.

(I'm sure I'm going to regret this later :ph34r: )
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#16 Illadar

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 06:56 PM

I would have voted "God on earth" but then I noticed that, that wasn't a catagory.

But joking around aside, Ompa are you legaly allowed to nerf inside at all or is that banned to. That and were is Brookfield?

Edited by Illadar, 02 March 2006 - 09:29 PM.

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#17 z80

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 07:00 PM

Gearhead all the way. Brookfield has made any sort of projectile firing toy/gun illegal. That includes nerf guns, as me and Airapache called the police and were told to not play around with them, even on our own properties.

That may change assuming I get accepted to an East-coast college in a month or two. Then, I'll have to deal with the likes of Talio, Shindig, and such in person. Yikes.

~ompa

Don't they realize that's unconstitutional? Thats really stupid.
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#18 ompa

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 07:03 PM

Brookfield, WI.

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#19 J cobbers

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 07:08 PM

Gearhead all the way. Brookfield has made any sort of projectile firing toy/gun illegal. That includes nerf guns, as me and Airapache called the police and were told to not play around with them, even on our own properties.

That may change assuming I get accepted to an East-coast college in a month or two. Then, I'll have to deal with the likes of Talio, Shindig, and such in person. Yikes.

~ompa

Don't they realize that's unconstitutional? Thats really stupid.

How so? I'm almost done with Law School, and I can think of pleanty of reasons why it would be perfectly within the bounds of the consitution. I assume you are talking primarily about the right to bear arms. The Supreme court has upheld plenty of limitaions on the possession of firearms and well as when, and where they can be used as well as by who.

You can make a public policy argument that in a suburban population center like Brookefield, the local government has the authorty to limit the use of projectile devices in order to prevent accidental injuries, and I'll all but promise you that the court would uphold it.

Just because you have a right to own a nerf gun does not give you the right to shoot it where ever you want, the same is true with real guns as well.
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#20 z80

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 07:18 PM

Ok, I guess that I'm wrong, it is kinda stupid though, :ph34r: Hope you go to school on the east coast. Then you can expirience nerfing in person.
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#21 Starbuck

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 07:26 PM

Option #11- Hybrid

One who spends most of his Nerf time on modifications and Nerfs in one season of the year.

Yeah, that's me. I spend most of my Nerf time modding guns or coming up with different ideas and such. The only time we Nerf around here is in the spring. During summer, everyone is gone on vacation. In the fall, we have football. Winter is too cold for most of the fellers around here. Spring, then is left as open Nerf season. Usually there are one to three large scale deals and five or six smaller sha-bangs. I used to be a "Nerfer" because I modded, I Nerfed regularly, and I was an admin at Nerf Online, but that was all before things went askew.
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#22 VeggieBoy 3000

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 07:30 PM

Piney, I love you.

...and oh yeah, you missed another category: "The Badass." I don't think it really needs too much explaining, but You, me, Talio, and VACC are the only members.

And also "The Girl," which belongs solely to BK.

I say it again, Piney, you are like a spring that flows forth with infinite wisdom.

Edited by VeggieBoy 3000, 02 March 2006 - 07:32 PM.

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#23 leftnut

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 08:33 PM

I get around to nerfing when ever I have the chance. Sure I only get a big war or two per year but I try. I consider myself an actually nerfer. I come here to figure out what new developments there are in modifications, what wars are going down and when guns will be released. I'm not here to be your friend, just here to do what I enjoy doing.
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#24 DX-Robert

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 08:57 PM

Option #11- Hybrid

One who spends most of his Nerf time on modifications and Nerfs in one season of the year.


Option #11 1/2 -More Hybrid

One who is a mix of 3 or more of the categories.

I have elements from nerfer, toy soldier, and assassin. Odd mix, but that's what I am. I fight, mod, build homemades, normal stuff. But I also paint my guns, buy them to get used extensively, and use tactics, but nothing over the top and no camo. Due to a competition at school requiring elimination of other teams at any point in the day other than school and work, assassin tactics will be needed and ambushes set up. I also split the year between my hobbies: Nerf = Spring and Winter, Water Wars = Summer and Fall. Although if this Spring is warm I might juggle the two.

In addition, veteran experience in water wars and on those forums helps me here in Nerf. Tech, posting habits, and wars are areas where this comes out quite a bit. I've nerfed on and off for the past 8 or so years, but it took a while before I found the NIC and went several years with no interest in picking up the hobby again. Until this year that is, I am back into it and this time with hopes of larger team wars.
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#25 boltsniper

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Posted 02 March 2006 - 09:58 PM

#8,474 The Chuck Norris

One who kicks so much ass at everything he does that panties just rain down on him from above....





Come on guys. I don`t think Piney created this thread for everyone to make up there own....




I`m not implying the above is me.....

Edited by boltsniper, 02 March 2006 - 10:01 PM.

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