70 replies to this topic

[Famine]

Well, in light of the upcoming film; "28 Days Later", I realized that it's been a while since I've run through my scenarios for defending my home in the event of a long-term Zombie Epidemic. However, the majority of my plan is based on the assumption that the Zombies would have little to no group coordination, and only basic problem solving skills (like Velociraptors or some such shit). This new film however seems to have elevated the capabilities of the standard Zombie so it may now be prudent to have a secondary plan in the event that escape/relocation from a zombie epidemic is neccessary.

In the old days one could just board up their house, stock up on canned goods and ammo, and wait it out while the combined coalition forces of the National Guard, NRA, and every mother fuckin Red Neck in existance purged our lands of the zombie menace. The only thing we common citizens had to do was keep the Zombies out of our house and make sure none of our own "Turned". However, we now live in uncertain times, should the mighty "Red Neck NRArmy" forces be unable to rally against the Zombie Menace it may become neccessary for us to form nomadic bands of anti-zombie refugees. This would seem to suggest that we now will need to outfit the proper vehicles for long-distance travelling and anti-zombie defense. So, given these new, grave circumstances, I thought it best to seek out the opinions/ideas of my fellow Nerfers to familiarize myself with the latest in zombie-destruction technology.

[Ash]

God-Fucking-dammit. They always take my damn ideas.... Sattelites, Famine, Sattelites.

Well, I feel that if the circumstances were as stated, the first thing to do would be to arm up at the nearest abandoned gun shop and home depot. After that, it would be best to find the nearest communications center (radio or tv station) and get the word out to the other survivors to meet at a particular spot. It would be very important to rally the remaining not-zombies to establish a working army or defense team. It would be best then to keep moving as best as possible and obtain large vehicles which can be easily reinforced for keeping the undead out. I would think if you could get some armored vehicles going on, you could affix some flame throwers to the exterior... flame throwers are great for large groups of undead, but you can't use it out in the open. You don't want flaming corpses lunging at you and spreading the flames to the living. Assuming that the zombie infection is indeed virus (or bacteria) based, fire would also be sure to kill the disease. Any fighting without shelter would probably be best done with firearms and from as far away as possible. However, any zombies destroyed in this manner should be properly cremated in order to keep the disease from spreading.
If a large enough resistance could be gathered it would probably be best to try and find a military base and fortify it as best as possible. It would be best to try and obtain airborn vehicles and perform airborne strikes to take out as many zombies as possible. I would say nuclear weapons are the answer, but who knows what radiation would do to the disease, or just any zombies who weren't incenerated on contact... radiation posioning and zombie disease, i'm sure, is not a good mix. In this aspect, it may be best to use napalm weapons and enforce a scorched earth policy in order to minimize the areas possible for zombie "nests" and hiding places. Minimizing shelter for zombie refugees would be key in winning the battle against the undead. It would, of course, be neccessary to have guards at whatever base or safehold is used as the human base of operations. I'm sure wearing kevlar and such body armor as well as gas masks would be best to keep the zombies from A) peircing the skin and B) spreading the disease in an airborn fashion. Only high speed tanks should be untilized, and any idle time outside of the base should be minimized as well. Of course, the proper research should also be placed in trying to figure out how to "cure" zombie-ism. If we weren't able to simply destroy all the zombies a cure would be excellent if it could be administered in large amounts (crop dusting or bombs). Of course, if a cure was found early, it would also be best use that to end the war early rather than try to destory them all by use of weapons. If a cure was used, it would be neccessary to send out regular sweep teams to ensure that no zombie nests are still in existence. It may also be to our advantage to find out how the zombies interact with water. If they can't swim, or dislike the water, it may be best to take refuge on a naval base or floating military base to minimize the chance of zombie invasion. In terms of firearms, anything with an extreemily fast rate of fire and high destruciton ratio would be best. The advantage that zombies have are numbers. The military have developed gatling guns capable of incredible firing speeds as well as grenade launchers that can fire up to 60 rounds a second. These would be the best type of vehicle based weapons to use on the masses. Of course, after the destruction of the zombie threat, it would be time to re-establish the human race and civilization... this is the not-fun part.

[Famine]

Well, I have to say that the suggestion of a naval-based safe haven is really quite ingenius. It would only take a small squadron of helicopters; appropriated news choppers, civilian models, anything to arrange transport on and off either an oil rig or aircraft carrier. If several aircraft carriers could be arranged in a close area..... wow, and it couldn't be too difficult to convert some of flight deck into like a hydroponic farm area.
http://www.schundler.com/hydrofarm.htm
as can be seen in this article. Once you had this floating colony established it'd be easy to coordinate trips to the mainland for supplies, you could scout out an area by air, firebomb any nearby nests, land, and quickly obtain whatever materials needed to evac back to the fleet. I'd strongly recommend isolating 1 carrier as your base of ops though and use it to keep all away-teams in quarntine after return; there's no way to accurately predict how the zombie-virus/bacteria might evolve. I agree that a "cure" for zombieism would be ideal but I think the thought of such a thing is overally naive and optimisitc, the only tried and true cure for zombieism is a shotgun-facial followed by a full body mesquite roast. Now a Zombie Vaccine on the other hand.... that seems within our grasp, we would just have to keep the vaccine up to date with any current mutations of the zombie-strain.

Now all of the above is assuming that the zombie-epidemic has gotten out of control and required the most drastic of action, I think your other idea of fortified military bases would be the more logical first step and, if executed properly, would allow us to re-establish society quicker and easier once the undead scourge had been wiped out. Also, most civillians have a general idea of where the nearest military base is or could easily obtain the information before all lines of communication crumbled. Flame throwers would be a must so I would recommend harvesting any propane, butane, gasoline, or concentrate orange juice that you can and bring it with you to your nearest Zombie Safe-Haven. More primitive uses of oil and "greek fire" would work well if you were confronted by a close mass of zombies but again I must emphasize that we do not yet know the full range of capabilities of these new zombies, they may not even travel in hoardes.... I know, I know, the notion seems impossible but we JUST DON'T KNOW... yet. From what I have seen, it would appear that this new form of zombieism some how darkens the skin and has a mutative effect on the eyes, this info has yet to be confirmed though.

One thing we can assume though.... these zombies still want to eat us, whether its our flesh, brains, or blood, we have it and those undead abominations want it.

[GunnedDown]

Holy fucking shit. Have you ever seen Omega Man? Best Charlton Heston movie ever. It's about this missle that like.. blows up or something.. and it has this bacteria on it, and the bacteria goes airborne around the world and kills a LOT of people. Heston plays this dude in the military trying to work on a vaccine/cure for the disease. He finally figures it out, but he ends up getting into a helicopter crash and has to use it on himself. Then, he is like, hiding out in a super-1337 apartment in NYC with all these guns and shit, and he's like the only dude left in the world, but there are all these zombie dudes that didn't die from the bacteria. Then, he finds there are others, but many of them are sick with the disease, and he tries to generate more blood to give to them, since he has the vaccine. But.. well... watch the fucking movie.

Anyway, good idea Famine. I think you're right... zombies are coming. We need to form the Zombie buster patrol.. Or just call Shindig and his buddies. Yeah..
Bustin' makes me f33l good!

Yeah.. uh.. soo.. realisticly. I guess I COULD build something like a proton blaster to maul zombies. Okay, uh, nevermind. The flamethrower would be probably the best idea. Mass zombie maulage is good.. really good. Yeah, I have a shitload of ideas, but I'm too fucking tired and I want to listen to music right now.

[wtrent10]

well, to defend aginst zombies, we need to know about them. I already know this much:

one boy that was thougt to be dead after a few years of his death (can't remember exactly how much) he came back to the village, and seemed in some sort of a trace. after a year or so of recouperation inside the village he told them about what happened. he said he had not died, but a type of potien master (called a Boker (pronounced; Bok-ayr)) had slipped him a poisen in his sleep. the poisen parelized his body so much to the point that he couldn't move, and it slowed his breathing to the point that he took a breath almost at 1 hour each. so no one clould see him breathing. when he got buried, the oxyegn deprovation and starvation killed brain cells increasing the effects of the poisen. then about 2 days afterwards the boker came and dug him up and gave him the antidote. However, the antidote did not cure him fully. Just enough to walk, breath, and understand speech, almost like he was more dead than alive. After that the Boker took him to a HUGE plantation, where he was with other zomies who had shared the same experience. after a while he noticed what was going on, and excaped the plantaion, and came back home.


if you want to know more, go to this website; http://solitaryphoen...ghtOct01p2.html

[Famine]

No, no, no, those are old world Voodoo (or Vodun) Zombies. Such things are merely drugged humans and are rarely violent and are the farthest thing from a threat to our society. We need to be more concerned with the types of "Zombies" which are either:
A) Classic Zombie: Re-animated corpses which now wander the earth in search of fresh human flesh/brains/blood to slow the decompossing of their dead remains. Such beings are devoid of personality, speech, and sentient thought. They are generally slow and uncoordinated but possess strength which is above that of the average human but is in no way extraordinary. The only major organ which seems to still be functional is the brain which somehow continues to generate electricity and prevents the body's functions from stopping. Traditionally, such zombies are the result of space radiation, space bacteria, or the crazy hygincks of our government in the late 70's or early 80's.
or
Post Modern Zombie: These newer zombies usually begin as classical zombies, being reanimated corpses, but at some point the contagion is introduced into a live speciman or is extracted and mutated into a new strain of zombieism. These new zombies still lose any memory of "identity" but retain knowledge of how to operate basic mechanisms, retain motor skills, gain increased strength, speed, and dexterity. This may not be apparent at first as they MAY still wander around slowly in packs but DO NOT BE FOOLED. Once these New Zombies have acquired a target they can move with startling speed and precision. Zombie's of such a caliber can ONLY be the result of advanced military research (post 1995) or Privately funded research (may have first been initiated in early 80's but only at theoretical stage). If such Modern Zombies were to become widespread, do not believe the government's lies, THEY ARE NOT THE RESULT OF SPACE RADIATION! .... or Russian Satelites......

While a "Proton Pack" sounds promising we again run the risk of possibly exposing the zombies to extremely high levels of radiation, or at least reality-warping proton waves or something. There is no way to safely or accurately predict what effects such waves would have on the zombie virus. While such an assault may destroy the hosts bodies, it may cause the strain to evolve even further into something even more deadly.... like something akin to a Vampire..... but I think introducing any Vampiric elements into the equation (like Vampire-Zombies or possibly temporarily employing the help of the Vampires in killing the zombies) at this point would be hasty and foolish. We must assume that the Vampires will deal with the Zombies in their own fashion, and endure any such epidemic as they have countless times in the past, they would most likely withdraw to their ancestral strongholds, their numbers would whither but the purebloods would endure, as always. We must stay focused on the threat at hand and continue to research and brainstorm feasible and economic ways to contain, isolate, and destroy any possible zombies while at the same time promote social, economic, and cultural recovery.

Thank you.

[Ash]

My god, did they kill the poor bastards? I hope they aimed for the head.... Are they still there?!? Famine, we're going to Haiti, dude.... wait, scratch that. Haiti fucking sucks.

Just to clarify, the original zombies in popular culture were not the hollywood zombies, they appeared first in literature. Of course, the oh-so-knowledgeable author of this article neglects to mention this. The first "horrific" zombie was the result of Voodoo (as, I'm sure, an embellishment of the real people who were given this substance that seems to zombify them). The zombie was terrorizing a small family in a cottage, and the woman of the house figured he was hungry (just like a woman) and fed him biscuits. Magically, the zombie was cured. They then determined that zombies were the result of Voodoo and the spell could be broken by use of salt. Tha'ts right, boys and girls, Salt. This first story was where all the other hollywood and literary zombies rooted from, so fagalopolus to you.

I have a strong feeling the man who wrote that article is some sort of super evolved smart zombie... or maybe just a man who has created a race of zombies and figures by bashing the thought of them he can hide his sinister plan... I'm going to find him and kill him, I think.


Now, on to the important stuff...

Of course the naval bases were the extreeme, but I wanted to cover all the bases. Good thinking with the hydroponic farming, sort of makes me wonder what you are doing in your free time these days, however. We should probably get our hands on styrofoam for thickener for the gasoline, as well. This would help with "poor man's" weapons. Also, roadflares can be very helpful, as well as supersoakers if flame throwers are not available... a supersoaker filled with gasoline (while it wouldn't last long... gas likes to eat plastic) combined with a flare gun would be quite the effective zombie killing tool.

Of course, we would definetly have to be careful to try and get as much gasoline as possible... maybe find some trucks or something. I'm sure if these new zombies have any sort of reasoning skill, they could quickly figure out to start liberating gasoline stations nationwide. Oh, and when I said "cure" to zombieism, I was more refferring to something that would simply kill the zombies but also stunt the spread of the disease rather than try and make the zombies back into humans. Anyone who had zombieism at any point, even if they seem cured, must be eradicated and incinerated without any hesitation. Remember, these are not people anymore. They are zombies.

[six-hungry-ducks]

Damn, haven't you guys heard of the FVZA? They're the ones who'll protect us from zombie epidemics.

[Ash]

We leave nothing to chance. Weak government associations often fail when we most need them. This organization would be barely effective against a large epidemic.

Nice site, though I didn't see any mention of history's most famous vampire, Vladmir Tsepesh.

[Nerfinator]

You guys have too much time..........

[Ash]

Correction, we have not enough time. One never knows when the zombie epidemic will break out and claim this sorry population. We have not enough time to calculate such provisions and contingency plans. This country is at the most risk... we have grown so complacent and comfortable with our ways of life and so far detached from the horrors of zombie hordes that such a strike would catch you all off guard. It would be devistating. You are all lucky that someone here has thought out such situations. YOU ARE ALL WORTHLESS AND WEAK! YOU do not understand the threat this poses! This is why humans are always so hapless in Zombie movies, they just don't understand how to properly destroy and neutralize the threat.

So anyway, I was thinking if we jacked a Liquid Nitrogen transport truck, we could use that... he he, that would be cool.

[Spoon]

Gentlemen,

I think you've overlooking one very important item. We must concede that, being nerfers by trade, we are not the most knowledgable or equipped to handle the extermination of endless waves of undead thirsting for human brains. We must ask ourselves, "What would Milla Jovavich do?"


I think we need lasers.

[GunnedDown]

WWMJD necklaces and pencils!

Hmm...

"What would Micheal Jackson do?"

Molest little children.

"What would Micheal Jordan do?"

Retire.. or pretend to.

Hehehehehe...

Anyway, uh, Greek Fire.. they have never found exactly what Greek fire was, but, it was freaking kickass. Liquid that ignites on contact with Oxygen. They'd spray it out of hoses at other ships.. good lord that would suck to be on that ship...

I wish I had Greek fire, since I'm Greek and all. Then I could spray it at people I d..

Nevermind...

[Famine]

Uh....... I'm pretty sure greekfire was just a primitive form of napalm. The big mystery is how they kept it pressurized so that it actually shot out of bronze tubes. Eh, they probably just stored it above sealevel and let atmospheric pressure do the work.

[Ash]

Spoon, my dear friend, speak for yourself. I feel I am very adequately qualified to exterminate waves of zombie hordes... I also must say that I feel Milla Jovovich would simply try and do some sort of gay martial arts moves on the zombies who would in turn eat them were it a true zombie flick. Oh yeah, and pants.

Lasers are no good for killing zombies. No Good.

[Evil]

Gone are the day's of George Romero's zombies... What a shame.

[Ash]

Gone are the day's of George Romero's zombies... What a shame.

Shut up, you. They can only make so many replica zombie movies featuring completely rediculous and unrealistic zombie origin stories as well as inept and mostly non-threatening zombie hordes barely capable of movement enough to walk much less defeat a capable human being that somehow manage to topple an entire population of dumb-asses.

And Dawn sucked. So there.

[Evil]

And Dawn sucked. So there.

The hell it did!

Anyway, if I were put into such a situation, I would just find out what the Horsemen's plans were and join in their attempts to thwart fate. I'll bring Stratego, Monopoly, and Twister, what about you guys?

[Groove]

I'd bring "Ally McFeal" "Buffy the Vampire Layer" and "Snow White and the Seven Sailors," some cold ones (enough for myself, the 4 Horsemen, and Evil), and a TV.

Oh, and my dad's .45, 9mm, 12 gauge, 20 gauge, and the AR-15 we're going to buy in the near future. I heard my uncle has a hidden weapons cache somewhere...he told me he kept some "handy tools" *cough* *cough*fullyautomaticweapons*cough* *cough*incase of the whole y2k blunder went down. Maybe we could find some goodies like AP bullets and frag grenades down there? Hm, don't know, the possibilities are endless! Finding hidden weapon caches would be fun! That could easily replace grab-ass and Monoply and Twister...what do you think?

[GunnedDown]

Hey! Count me in too! I'll bring some chess and checkers sets. Matt, don't forget to bring the only copy of "Horsemen Gone Wild". I'll also bring my father's Glock 23, S&W .45cal, S&W 9mm, and .357 Magnum Revolver.. and all the god damned ammo I can stuff in my pants. I'll bring lighters and matches and whatnot too.

We will need to combine all our money (and more), and purchase something like a ship. A big ship for all.. seven of us. We'll probably pick up more anti-zombiers on the way. Hmm....

[Groove]

Are you suggesting a gun-toting anti-zombie pirate brigade consisting of the remaining human survivors?

[GunnedDown]

Kind of.. but this ship would be for only us.. Ex-Nerfers... yeah...

I'm actually designing it right now.. :-D

[Zero Talent]

I'm actually designing it right now.. :-D

Nevermind purchasing, "borrowing," or perhaps even legally aquiring a boat. What's a boat without side-mounted cannons, after all?

I'm horribly inept when it comes to Zombie defense, but I assume our best bet would be to use some large hand-to-hand weapons. I suggest House of Knives and a bench grinder, for starters, from which we can move up to either pre-sharpened Katanas, or perhaps learn to temper the blades ourselves (The internet probably won't be down just yet... Servers will be slashed in the zombie wake, but they can't take everything, so online info could be a go). I, nor my family, own any kind of firearm, so I'll just have to make do with the crap in my shed, like the Chainsaw and such. I figure Bruce Campbell had some good ideas when it came to this type of situation. I'm also in a rather rural community, near some farms (Deathtraps, I know), so I could get a hold of some of those threshers and such... Something to chop large crowds of the undead off at the neck. I could also probably pick up some shotguns while I'm there.

As to banding... None of you kids really live close by, so I'll have better luck tracking down Felspar. That kid's prepared for this kind of eventuality, and a few thousand others. But my Dad's handy with an axe, given his job, so I'll probably stick with the family for as long as possible. Boats are still best for this kind of thing, and the fact that I'm on the coast only aids that countermeasure. We'll just have to find a really big boat somewhere... Fishing boats aren't best for this situation. You're just asking for shallow water zombies to tip your boat, spilling you and your group into the waiting crowd..

We don't happen to have any kind of anti-zombie pathogen or antibiotic, a "Zombie poison," by any chance? That could be really handy. If we follow the idea of a viral zombie, we could just use basic human poisons to knock out what little life is left, but I can't think of anything for supernatural zombies. For now, though, we'd do best with large melee weapons (Swords, scythes, chainsaws), as well as a long-distance weapon (firearm) for emergencies or pre-emptive strikes.

[Crest of Fire]

A virus could not mutate a human, because a virus splices its DNA into the cell, altering the cell, so that it would produce more of the virus, and when enough of the virus builds up, the cell virtually explodes, spreading the virus throughout the system. Henceforth, a virus reproduces, and kills, but would not alter the human into a brain mongering zombie. So what you are dealing with is some sort of fungi, that grows, and lives on the animal/plant/fungus, or a bacterium that travels through the system feeding, but a bacterium would not be likely.
Now to the point we are dealing with, how to kill the zombies. Heat would be very practical, because it would kill the animal/plant/fungus, and would destroy the fungus or bacteria. But what would be even more effective would be a virus. By altering and augmenting the DNA of a preexisting virus, to target a specific tissue that only the zombies have, such as their fungus, or some altered tissue. Also you could, with more ease, use an already existing virus. Zombies would probably still have blood, or their calls would starve, so you could use a hemorrhagic virus, like Hanta, or Ebola so the red blood cells would be infected, and be destroyed by the natural pattern of the virus. But with any virus, there is the possibility the virus would plaque the living, and the possibility of the genetically engineered virus mutating, and start attacking human tissue. My last idea would be to use cyanide to starve the zombie’s cells, and cause death of it and its fungus.

[Ash]

Apparantly some of you didnt' read my earlier post about a naval anti-zombies base. I already pondered the boat idea as well as the "anti-zombie pathogen" or whatever, I called it a cure.

You would not have to purchase any boats... zombies have already destroyed most of the living, remember?

I would advise against large hand to hand weapons only because you should first find firearms. Sure, maybe you don't own any, but I"m sure there is an abandoned gun shop within range of your living quaters, stock up there. Use large hand to hand only for backup.

Pants.