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[cxwq]

Ok, here we go again. I'm starting to get flak for not being all that weekly. In response to that, fuck you all. I just wanted to get that out of the way. I thought I'd dig into the ever-popular topic of a National Nerf War, or "Armageddon". It's been coming up a bunch on not only the NO boards, but the extremely dead NC boards as well (i.e. this is the first thing that came to my mind when I sat down to write this damn thing). So I decided to give my input and cover what I can.

Nerf is based on the idea of competition. Beating the living fuck out of a friend or cohort is what it's all about. The larger and more diverse the teams are during these competitions/wars, the more fun they're bound to be. Of course I realized this pretty early on and have always been a big proponent of recruiting. If I had a friend or acquaintance who I thought would be any good, or maybe just would get a kick out of Nerf, I wouldn't hesitate to drag them into my sick twisted world. However, there were never enough people to get a truly great war going, no matter how hard I sought out nerfers.

The second problem became obvious when I started participating in the online Nerf circuit. We were all really cocky sons-of-bitches, but could not prove ourselves. If ever a friend told me that he could beat me in Nerf, I could always throw his ass out on the field and beat him like a red headed step child 'till he conceded. With the online nerfers we simply didn't know each other outside of our online message boards.

The simple solution to both these problems was to seek out and Nerf with the experienced and plentiful other online nerfers, but this was easier said than done. Most of them lived on opposite sides of the country/world. Not so for Spoon and the Santa Monica crew (Ozzy, Hal etc). So Spoon and Hal organized the first major Nerf war with two separate online factions. They called it the LANO (Los Angeles Nerf Out), and they were plentiful.

Even before this landmark war we on the Nerflist had always fantasized about a huge national Nerf tournament. The summer of 99 the Horsemen and I got sick of fantasizing and made plans to fly out to CA and participate in one huge LANO. I started calling it "Armageddon" (biblical 4 horsemen of the apocalypse reference for those of you who didn't realize). Unfortunately I was the only one of the 4 of us that made it out. Even with such a shortcoming, it rocked. Meeting guys I'd been talking to and trash talking for the last 4 years was not only interesting but a shit load of fun. Spoon, Ozzy, and I raided Toys R Us, watched Hong Kong gun flicks and rocked the first ever inter-coastal Nerf war. Armageddon was sweet; there's no question in my mind. That said, it was none the less a disappointment in terms of turnout. I wanted EVERYBODY THERE, and that just didn't happen.

Now you guys are talking about a national Nerf war, and despite being the king of cynics, I'm excited about the prospect. I WILL be at the National Nerf War if it's planned correctly. So let's talk about the logistics. The majority of the interested parties are younger than 15 years of age. The chances that even a few parents are going to submit to their child's whim when concerning a Nerf war....not exactly great. So there's one solution, have it in a Nerfer rich area. Even if only one of us shows, the war can go on with local Nerfers. Southern CA and NJ are what I have been suggesting for this. CA, is definitely my first choice. It has climate, cheap incoming flights, and a fuck load of veteran nerfers. Also, for you younger nerfers, CA is the optimum area to convince your parents to vacation in over the summer. If you're already there, how could they deny you a stop in Irvine or Santa Monica? Date wise, if it was to occur it would obviously be summer, but when in the summer? Well, earlier then July 5th and half the nerfers will still be in school, later then august 15th and half of us are off to college. There's a 40-day opening, and that should be plenty to accommodate everyone.

Past that, all the planning is surrounding attendance. I would love to have a National Nerf War, and so would all the "Big Guns" I've talked to. The horsemen and many more are pumped up and willing to attend if it's done right. That being said, I want to give it a jump-start. The biggest problem with this idea is following through. The only way to avoid dropouts and no shows is to start planning this thing NOW! I want all of you who are interested to take a look at your calendars and think about what date in that window is good for you. Also think about if you'd rather CA or NJ. Think it over and be ready to make solid plans. Suspend your disbelief people, and imagine finally showing just how good you are. Imagine facing Spoon and Ozzy. Imagine looking down the barrel of a custom crossbow only to turn on a heel and send a dart into the chest of a Nerf great. Imagine knowing that you are the best, and having indisputable proof. Imagine more fun then you've ever had (yes Disney land is close by). Imagine a War to end all Wars. Now let's make it happen.

Vacc