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Guru Mk. iii

Rebirth of a Legendary Weapon

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#1 CaptainSlug

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:31 PM

So, this has been a project in the works for some time now. It seems that some of you took it upon yourself to snoop around Slug's image directory in his site and share it with others...

Serves me right for leaving the directory of that folder public.
All better now.
http://www.captainslug.com/nerf/

Way to ruin a surprise, faggots. Anyways, on with the juicy tidbits I'm sure you're eager to devour:




FORWARD

This project has been a slow process of methodical theorizing, planning, and absurd levels of craftsmanship on my part. Many parts have been made to tolerances of thousandths of an inch. Since I don't expect anyone within reason to be able to duplicate the work, I decided to be a bit less literal with the specifics of what is being done.

And no, I won't make you one.

A plan was formulated under the requested premise.
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The weapon of legend can only be crafted from the finest materials. Its framework is carved from crystallized dragon tears, which are then affixed together using unrefined mithril shards.
The ram rods were hewn from orc bones, then ground and polished by elvish craftsmen over a fortnight.
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With the seance to commune with the spirits of the finest swordsmiths of the Third Age successful, they have bestowed upon me through an arcane buff the abilities of their heraldry.
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I have test-assembled the crafted pieces just as they had appeared in the vision that followed that bestowal.
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They will later be adhered using a mixture mostly comprised of a modicum of minotaurs blood, and copious amounts of silk from the spider queen.
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I searched the wilderness for the supplies needed to imbue the crossbow shell with the essence of an elder god. I then performed the ritual with great efficacy.
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Likewise the shell of the splitfire was bound to the spirit of a most powerful and amicable familiar.
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With the guidance of the elder god, I crafted the plunger handle from the front talon of a griffon.
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I also set forth to to secure the plunger tube to the crossbow shell through abutments of crystallized dragon tears.
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The trigger too is made of the same material, but only the smokiest and saltiest portions of the crystallized tears were used. The curvature of said trigger is eventually smoothed out using the finest elven tools.
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To guard from the most powerful of dark magic, the breech was forged from black meteoric ore using a dwarven furnace. It provides a poignant mystical contrast next to the brutality of the orc bone.
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Edited by Groove, 28 March 2009 - 11:49 PM.

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#2 CaptainSlug

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:32 PM

The spider silk emulsion was applied and then left to coagulate under the light of a harvest moon. The fused parts are now inextricable.
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The crossbow shell has been carved to the nines for the coupling with the splitfire.
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Attachment point escutcheons are added and the fixture evaluated. The bond is confirmed to be stalwart.
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A unicorn horn was cut to length and then hollowed out to make the barrel sheath.
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An underbelly scale from an elder dragon was moderately adapted into a catchplate using modified arrowhead knapping techniques pioneered by the Second Age elvish archers.
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The plunger rod has been extruded from refined mithril ore, and the plunger head alchemized from a seer's stone.
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I bartered with a nomad to obtain this manticore stinger.
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The finished article was brought to clerical authorities and bitten blessed by Baby Raptor Jesus
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The work is complete. A choir of demigoddesses will sing upon its arrival in the arms of the bearer it was destined to be wielded by.
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Edited by CaptainSlug, 30 March 2009 - 09:32 PM.

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#3 Talio

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:40 PM

Jesus slug. That's actually really cool.
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#4 Groove

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:55 PM

Slug, I know I've told you this already, but I'm just going to come out and say it. You're a fucking Master Weaponsmith. I can't even imagine the kind of theorizing and measuring you had to do to make this happen, and for that I am truly thankful.

Looking forward to seeing what other sort of magical powers you can imbue upon this thing. Can you...possibly...make the barrel out of a hollowed horn from a Unicorn...?


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#5 CaptainSlug

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 07:21 PM

Can you...possibly...make the barrel out of a hollowed horn from a Unicorn...?

I'll start setting some traps around the Lisa Frank factory. Shouldn't take long to snag one with the bait I have.
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#6 VACC

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 08:24 PM

Holy shit dude. Slug described this thing to me when Groove drove us up to meltdown, but the realization of it is much more impressive than I'd anticipated. A +bow in a crossbow shell. Did someone turn the thermostat up, cause it's getting a little hot in here.
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#7 Forsaken angel24

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 10:54 PM

Well I am stoked to see how this ends.
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#8 One Man Clan

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 05:36 AM

This is ridiculous. Slug, what's your barrel material? I like the frosty look it has, whatever it is.
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#9 CaptainSlug

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 12:24 PM

This is ridiculous. Slug, what's your barrel material? I like the frosty look it has, whatever it is.

The splitfire is getting 3/4" OD 5/8" ID polyester tubing. Groove can nest his barrel of choice in it later.
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#10 Pineapple

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Posted 25 March 2009 - 01:23 AM

This is ridiculous. Slug, what's your barrel material? I like the frosty look it has, whatever it is.

The splitfire is getting 3/4" OD 5/8" ID polyester tubing. Groove can nest his barrel of choice in it later.

It's going to GROOVE?!

Oh, that's why it's "Guru 3". Slug, you keep makin' em more wild each invention/scratch build.

Over the top. I've known that we have the best, but yeah, we've really got the best minds here. All of you guys.

I thought my "new" 1500 was pretty bitchin. It's not. I'm stuck on old-school I suppose.



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#11 Groove

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Posted 28 March 2009 - 11:53 PM

Update 03/29/09: Topic has been moved from The Pantheon to Homemades.


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#12 Merzlin

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Posted 28 March 2009 - 11:55 PM

Just, wow. Fucking nice
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#13 Crankymonky

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Posted 28 March 2009 - 11:56 PM

Absolutely gorgeous. Far cleaner than it's predecessor.

Since the photos of the guru 1 from it's debut are no longer up, let me post one to compare.

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The original Guru's shell.
That's what I call progress.

Edited by Crankymonky, 29 March 2009 - 07:40 PM.

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#14 Icespartan 1114

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 12:04 AM

I think I almost cried when I saw this. Slug beautiful, just beautiful. I am scared now to face this at the next DCNO. Hope Groove will be happy with the end result.
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#15 Magic

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 12:20 AM

Jesus Christ. At Meltdown, I told Groove I was hoping to see his new primary. He told me what it was. I anticipated the arrival. This thing is fucking amazing! Not only keeping the traditional and awesome guru look, but updating the internals to the newest, best thing. Awesome work Slug.
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#16 CaptainSlug

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 12:49 AM

Just a teaser image
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Many parts were finished by hand with an X-acto knife to deburr and refine edges, as well as make minute dimensional changes.

Edited by CaptainSlug, 29 March 2009 - 01:05 AM.

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#17 Magic

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 12:54 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. I do have one question. Is it sturdy? Is it top-heavy, or pretty evened weight? How hard is it to hold on a scale of 1 to 10? Thanks in advance.
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#18 CaptainSlug

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 12:59 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. I do have one question.
1. Is it sturdy?
2. Is it top-heavy, or pretty evened weight?
3. How hard is it to hold on a scale of 1 to 10?
Thanks in advance.

That would be three questions. It's back to remedial math for you.
1. The innards of the crossbow are made from crystalized dragon tears. Of course it's sturdy. There isn't an ounce of duct tape, zip tie, bondo, or paint to be found on this. What you see is what was done.
If Groove runs out of darts he could just bludgeon you to death with this if he so wishes. All he would need to do afterwards is clean the blood from his weapon and move on to the next victim.
2. It's pretty well balanced. The finished blaster won't weigh much more than 2 pounds.
3. "Hard to hold" rating: -3,000

Edited by CaptainSlug, 29 March 2009 - 03:17 PM.

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#19 CoasterDynamix757

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:02 AM

Slug,

You're a fucking god! This is a work of art and you deserve a cookie.
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#20 BustaNinja

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:08 AM

I'm simply amazed by the fact that the cut out for the splitfire is almost exactly flush, let alone the rest of the gun.

But I have to say, I am a bit disappointed. Not with your work, but with the fact that the Guru 3 is the same setup. I thought Groove had some awesome breakthrough and found a new synthesis of guns, none of which people would ever think to use. Something bold and new to own with. Like found some holy grail of Mech Tommy 20s or mavericks or something.

Anyway, still amazing work. This is a whole new standard on which Crossbows and Home mades should be marked up to. As you said, its a fusion of the +bow and the Crossbow. Throw some PVC on there and then it can take names of the SNAP, and be the most Effeminate spring primary ever.
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#21 sputnik

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:22 AM

Hey Slug, Cranky messaged you.


That looks fucking amazing.



Great job.
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#22 CaptainSlug

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:27 AM

Then plan is to have this finished withing the next week.

Throw some PVC on there and then it can take names of the SNAP

The +bow honestly is a decedent on the SNAP. I wanted to make a SNAP-esque design that was more modular in construction, borderline overpowered, and very desirable ergonomics (kinda flubbed that on the first try).
It becoming the successor of the Crossbow was a byproduct of me having accomplished all the goals I set for the project.

Edited by CaptainSlug, 29 March 2009 - 01:28 AM.

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#23 rork

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:39 AM

Any writeup that involves the use of the word "fortnight" gets major props from me. Fucking amazing, as per the usual.
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#24 Jedijoe9

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:54 AM

Way to ruin a surprise, faggots.


I apologize for any part I had in that. I found it by accident and should have kept my mouth shut.

Anyway, unlike Bustaninja, I am overjoyed that Guru 3 is similar looking (and a vast technological improvement) to Guru 2. Why? Because The Guru is literally the defining blaster of the NIC for me. I may be getting a bit too into this, but I think the alteration of the Guru symbolically represents the direction the NIC is going in (in terms of modification cleanliness and functionality).

Anyway, great work-- This truly is the stuff of legends. I hope to see it sometime this summer.
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#25 pokemaster

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Posted 29 March 2009 - 06:45 AM

good job slug i like good clean the job you always have good guns

Edited by pokemaster, 29 March 2009 - 06:46 AM.

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