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Condition Orange

Living your life in the shadow of Tang

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#1 Famine

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 11:07 AM

Well, it's Monday...... but it's a Code Orange Monday!!! WOO HA!!! I just felt like getting anyone's opinion on this whole Orange-Advisory thing. What exactly are we supposed to do? Are we allowed to carry guns at Level Orange? Can we maul any suspicious looking people in an act of faceless mob violence? Should I have an extra set of jumper cables with me? I dunno. The whole thing kind of escapes me I guess. It's snowing here right now... is it supposed to snow in Orange Alert?!? Someone should look into this shit.

Orange Out.
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#2 VACC

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 11:36 AM

I heard that code orange was actually an extra stage of alert inserted into the normal panic-intensity-order for the sole purpose of alerting a secret society....a sercret society of ORANGES!!!!! They're all around us, and they're pissed that we're eating their young. I would advise you all to follow my advice, strip down, and coat yourselves entirely in orange flavored marmalade or the anal lubricant of your choice. The Armageddon is coming my non-citrus friends and it is the Oranges' time now. Camoflauge yourself as best you can and head for the most arctic environment you can get to. That should protect you for some time, but don't get too comfortable, I'm told they can travel great distances at speed in concentrate.

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#3 Langley

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 04:31 PM

What happened to the Def-Con scale? Isn't this pretty much the same thing?
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You can poop in my toilet anytime champ.

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#4 Sacapuntas Cabesa

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 04:53 PM

Yes, but this new one is pretty much all the Department of Homeland Defense and Security by Taking Your Rights has done, so it's better. :lol:

Not like anyone understands it, anyways.....
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#5 VACC

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 05:21 PM

Dude, shut the fuck up and get a juicer for the love of god.

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#6 Famine

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 05:21 PM

Yeah, and besides, Defcon just trendy enough for today's terrorists. I mean, back when our biggest threat was a cracked out Commodore 64 trying to baffle our greatest scientists in a game of tic-tac-toe it was fine..... but how does the phrase "Defcon 3" let me know how likely it is that a crazed Islamic Fundamentalist is going to poison my nation's Ice Cream supply while trying to crash a plane into my mall? Now by knowing that we're at "Orange Alert" I know exactly how fearful I should be of any towell heads and I also know how long I should wait before engaging them in hand-to-hand mortal combat in an attempt to rid this world of their foul breed. See? Much better system.

Now.... if things go to Code Fusia, I will know to instantly begin Zombie-proofing my house and to find the nearest tire iron and ready myself for a long, long night......

Orange.... for now....
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~Famine
of Mag-7
East Coast Nerf 2005: Step It Up.
East Coast Nerf 2006: That's more like it.
East Coast Nerf 2007: I'm not driving to Massachusetts again.
East Coast Nerf 2008: Day of Regret.
East Coast Nerf 2009: Quid pro quo, douchebags!

#7 VACC

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 05:27 PM

Now.... if things go to Code Fusia, I will know to instantly begin Zombie-proofing my house and to find the nearest tire iron and ready myself for a long, long night......

Don't even joke about zombies dude. There's only one place in the world that's truly prepared for zombies, and that's Tinton FAlls, with the neccessary tactical missile silos and bitchy police to handle any undead threat you can throw at them. They should just call it code get-the-fuck-to-tinton-falls.

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#8 merlinski

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 06:02 PM

I always forget whether Defcon 1 or Defcon 5 is the worst... I wonder if thats why they scrapped it, because no one could understand the damn thing?

In reality, they scrapped it because I think it primarily referred to the threat of Nuclear action in the Cold War.

On the subject of Code Fuschia, did anyone see The Daily Show's "The gaying of america"? Remember, we are at alert code orange, but we are also at gay alert code fuschia. You don't want to know what happens when we reach code rainbow.
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#9 Langley

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 09:29 PM

Defcon 1 is the worst. It only gets to defcon one when either Matthew Broderick or Ben Aflec become crucial to our nation's security.

Famine- Aparrently the scale hasn't become too outdated for hollywood since "Wargames" It made an appearance in "The Sum of all Fears" Albeit it wasn't in the form of an eightys-esque color coded display in every office in Norad, but it was mentioned a few times.
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You can poop in my toilet anytime champ.

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#10 Famine

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Posted 11 February 2003 - 02:12 AM

Yeeahhh,.... but then again Sum of All Fears was published in 1991. Which means it was probably written a year or two before then.... which means that the info it's based off of is probably close to 15 years old. Now, when we used to go to Defcon 1 missle silos would prime, bunkers would seal, and we'd see a bunch of cool cut scenes of misc. fighter jets taking off of runways for no apparent reasons. Now, when we go to Orange Alert my phoneline just jacks around with me all day and it snows. Do you see the progress??? Do you see the built in defenses?!? Dune coons can't attack in the snow... this new tactical ploy renders them completely harmless... of course if it's not snowing by you then you're screwed.... but it's snowing in NYC, and I'm pretty sure "National Security" is now synonomous with "New York City and Bush's ass Security"...... I think.

And yeah... I really am blaming the phone thing on Orange.

SOYLANT ORANGE IS MADE O..... wait... what the fuck IS soylant orange made of?
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~Famine
of Mag-7
East Coast Nerf 2005: Step It Up.
East Coast Nerf 2006: That's more like it.
East Coast Nerf 2007: I'm not driving to Massachusetts again.
East Coast Nerf 2008: Day of Regret.
East Coast Nerf 2009: Quid pro quo, douchebags!

#11 The Fred

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Posted 11 February 2003 - 04:12 PM

Wow, in 1991, someone thought enough to fictionally detonate a nuclear bomb in Baltimore. If that had happened, would the NY Giants have won Super Bowl XXXV? The possibilities are endless.

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#12 merlinski

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Posted 11 February 2003 - 08:26 PM

I'm sorry, but you have completely hit on one of my pet peeves.

The Sum of All Fears, the book, is completely different from the movie.

**spoiler for the book**

It involves a lengthy buildup to the semi-climax (nuclear detination), which includes a plan for peace in the middle east. This peace angers an Islamic Fundamentalist, who obtains an Israeli nuclear bomb and has it modified by a German scientist to make it a Fusion bomb. The Fusion bomb is then detonated at the Super Bowl in Denver, Colorado. However, a problem causes it to fail at the third stage, resulting in a fission bomb. Most people believe that the russians launched it, and the military is put at Defcon 2. Jack Ryan ends up collecting enough data to determine that it was low-yield, therefore possibly a terrorist. If the bomb had been high-yield, as intended, it would have resulted in nuclear war. He also finds out that the plutonium was US created, so the russians weren't to blame. He ends up saving the day. Awesome book, everyone should read it.

As you can see, the culprit is not a neo-nazi, its an islamic fundamentalist. The book also includes a plan for peace in the middle east, so it was even more ahead of its time than the movie makes it seem.
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#13 Dan Cromer

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Posted 12 February 2003 - 10:01 PM

If terrorists ever attack my city, I'm calling a code brown and shitting my pants.
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#14 Spoon

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Posted 12 February 2003 - 11:27 PM

If terrorists ever attack my city, I'm calling a code brown and shitting my pants.

Thats just about the funniest thing I've read in a week.
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