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Nerf In The City

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#1 cxwq

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 02:30 AM

As many of you have heard, I was in NYC for a week recently. What you may not know is that I was there on a top secret mission to find out how well the Nerf virus is infiltrating The City! As soon as I arrived, I went looking for parks, hoping to find some fellow nerfers who could give me the lowdown on the local scene. What I found is not for the faint of heart. Read on at your own risk!

Lesson #1 - In The City, grass is for looking at!

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These barricades were not to keep people off a specific patch of grass. They went on as far as the eye could see, completely surrounding every blade of grass in Central Park. There were signs posted telling people to keep the hell out.

Lesson #2 - Team sports are not permitted!

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After the shock wore off I called Vacc and told him we had something serious going on here. He wasted no time joining me in my mission.

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Unfortunately, the news was still grim.

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At Riverside Park there were fences around the grass and signs forbidding team sports.

We were getting pretty exhausted from the search at this point. You have to keep in mind that the typical park in The City doesn't have any damn grass to start with. This is a typical community park:

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Yes, they forbid team sports even on the concrete parks.

Deciding to raise our spirits with a visit to local toy paradise FAO Schwarz, we head over to Fifth Ave and wander in. Past the $3600 stuffed giraffes, up the escalator, down the escalator, around the back, across the aisle, where the fuck are the Nerf guns? We thought for a second we'd discovered them in a little alcove at the back but it turned out to be a million stuffed pigs.

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Vacc's expression says it all here. We finally discovered the escalator that goes down to the basement. Apparently they keep all the toys that they'd really rather not be associated with in the basement. Is it a conspiracy to keep Nerf out of New York?

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That briefest moment of discovery, taking in the rows of Nerf logos gleaming under the fluorescent lights, that made it all worth it. How bad could this city be if they have over a dozen of every current production Nerf gun, all in one store?

The sad truth was waiting for us only a few hundred feet away, at the south-east entrance to Central Park. I channeled Charlton Heston briefly...

New York sculpture is NERFERS!!

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#2 VACC

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 07:18 AM

Wow, that was even more hard-hitting and investigative than I'd anticipated. I feel like we've really made a dent in this anti-nerf epidemic that plagues that fine fine metro-card supporting city. All hail metro-card!

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#3 Groove

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 05:38 PM

I'll have to say that your investigation findings are shocking, revealing, and to say the least...breath-taking.

What can I say...? That was fucking hilarious, and very, very sad at the same time. That image of the Nerfers frozen in, dare I say, "carbonite" will forever be embedded within my skull...dammit.
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"Too close for missiles, I'm switchin' to guns"


#4 cxwq

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Posted 10 February 2003 - 07:31 PM

The carbonite nerfers will haunt my dreams forever.

Forgot to credit Julie with the photos. Without her there would have been no evidence of the whole twisted plot we uncovered.


Vacc's Metro Card owns j00!
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#5 DJ Hurley

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Posted 12 February 2003 - 12:50 AM

Boy did I miss those photo stories from NerfOnline. But now we got Nerf Haven! :D
What were all the guns that store carried? Seemed like all the Airtechs and a Bungee Blaster.
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#6 cxwq

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Posted 13 February 2003 - 12:03 AM

All the airtechs, bungie blaster, sm3k (lower right corner of the pic).
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#7 superadaquabat

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Posted 13 February 2003 - 12:39 AM

I remember going to FAO Schwarts in New York when i was real small, they had all these nerf guns out, and you could play with them and everythng! Even the people who worked at the store where playing with them It was practically my first nerf war i sapose. I only barely remember it, but it was the highlite of my trip to FAO Schwarts (that place is Huge!).
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Happiness is a foam gun.

#8 freakymist

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Posted 14 February 2003 - 05:13 PM

Groove you should make a comic out of this :D
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#9 ItalionStallion

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Posted 14 February 2003 - 05:56 PM

Theres alot more nerf guns there then than when I was there.When I went up three they had like 3 airtechs. There were all the way up the stairs and in a back corner, BEHIND THE FREEKING JARASSIC PARK STUFF!!! The last jarassic park movie was like 5 freekng years ago.Thats Bull shit!!
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#10 Frenzied fury

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Posted 14 February 2003 - 08:18 PM

I don't get the sculptures. Can someone please explain?
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Er... well, y'know. You can't make an omelette without um... destroying a forest. Or something.- Black Mage
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#11 VACC

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Posted 14 February 2003 - 11:02 PM

Dude, there's really nothing to get. They were artsy "conversation peaces" that freaked us the fuck out. They looked like little kids with no eyes, and balls for legs frozen in stone. Hence the carbonite joke. Now if you don't get the carbonite joke then you better gotta understand that it was never meant to freeze a person, it's only used for Fruits and vegetables! I mean c'mon, is the empire really gonna' reinburse Boba if his prize is damaged? You think the dark lord's gonna' whip out his wallet and thumb the credits off some huge electronic wad? GO WATCH SOME FUCKING ESB DAMN-IT!!

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