Jump to content


Photo

Make Magazine Essay

FINAL EDITION

37 replies to this topic

#1 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 26 January 2008 - 07:54 AM

I combined parts of all drafts. IT is much more than 1,000 words, so edit away.

Remember that old Nerf gun you have lying around? You know, the one you pick up and shoot the employee in the next cubicle with? Well, have you ever wanted to hit the guy five cubicles down?

You won’t be able to do that with any old Nerf gun. “Then, how do I hit him?” you might ask. Simple: nerfhaven.com is a website devoted entirely to Nerf guns. How to modify them, how to make your own darts for them (called “Stefans,” since Stefan is the name of person who invented them), and even how to make your own gun from scratch!
Nerf is a hobby that many people can enjoy, due to its many aspects. In the Nerf Internet Community (NIC), the aspects that have the most practitioners are the modification of Nerf blasters and the use of modified blasters in organized Nerf “wars.” The former obviously appeals to those who enjoy working with their hands and solving mechanical problems; the latter appeals to children and those who are children at heart, as a Nerf war is a very entertaining pastime that reminds many of the diversions enjoyed when they were children.

One longtime Nerfer once said that he liked to Nerf because “you get to think like an engineer, and act like an 8 year old." Adults and teens that love to tinker around with things enjoy Nerf. Meanwhile, the idea of a Nerf war may take adults back to their days of playing “army,” and younger adults may even remember their days of playing similar games with unmodified Nerf blasters. In fact, Nerf can also be a great way for parents to connect with their children.

There are other aspects to Nerfing. One that is very similar, but more complicated than modifying a Nerf blaster, is the production of a “homemade” Nerf blaster (or, simply, “homemades”). Generally utilizing such materials as PVC pipe and polycarbonate, homemades often replicate or improve upon the mechanisms that mass-produced Nerf blasters are made with; other Nerfers have come up with ideas that were never used in the mass produced toy blasters.

There is even an aspect of the Nerfing hobby that is artistic. Many people have given their blasters (modified or left otherwise stock) new paintjobs. Some merely like the aesthetics, while others find them useful as props for costumes.
Starting with LISTSERVs in the early ‘90s and through the forum systems of today, NerfHaven and NerfHeadquarters, the concept of Nerf has improved greatly through hundreds of innovative inventions.

The Stefan, or the homemade nerf dart, is perhaps the greatest of such inventions, has served as great inspiration for many. They are made o f lengths of Foam Backer Rod, or caulk saver, weighted with hot glue and fishing weights. Invented by Canadian Nerfer Stefan Mohr, its concept has been transferred over to many other dart forms and has been elaborated on by many – a great symbol of this community’s ability to work with one another. Stefans can be found in any true Nerfer’s home as well as many parks and schools across America. These venues have played host to many great wars over the years.

Apocalypse, Armageddon, Deal, Reckoning, and Yellowstone Area Nerf Outing – all these wars have been integral in the perpetuation of the hobby over all these years. Organized by clans such as the LCM, LGLF, and Horsemen, they serve as the proving ground for all the ideas that seemed so great on paper. In deathmatch and capture-the-flag scenarios, mostly, Nerfers can test their worth and determine if they deserve to be known as one of the greats. Of course, as with all hobbies, there are multiple ways to achieve greatness. Participants of the forums who modify and create their own Nerf-like blasters (referred to as homemades) are often revered just as highly as those “gods” of the fields.

Innovators such as Boltsniper, CaptainSlug, Carbon, and Forsaken_Angel24 have commanded much respect of the NIC since their first posts of modifications and homemades. These engineers of the sport have perpetuated it as much as the organizers of formal events. With modifications that changed the Rapid Fire 20 into the Rapid Fire 40 (more commonly known as The Eyes of Fire), and homemades such as the Fast Action Rifle (FAR) that blew every member’s mind, these great innovators have not only shown others the way, but proven that Nerf can compete with range comparable to paintball gun ranges. Among others, these four have been essential in making Nerf as enjoyable as it is today.

Perhaps more enjoyable than paintball and airsoft, the foremost “competitors” of Nerf, Nerf, allows the average person to pick it up without burning a hole in his or her pocket. For instance, to equip yourself with one decent weapon for paintball, you could effectively finance yourself for nearly six months of Nerfing with as many as three or four weapons.

Nerfing is also seen by many as a more relaxed wargame. Minimal protection is necessary, only enough to protect the eyes from the moderate-by-comparison projectiles. Although you will not bleed or retain bruising as easily as you would from paintball or airsoft, you can still feel Stefans hit you. These two key factors primarily embody the mindset that allows most Nerfers to consider our hobby more enjoyable than the others.

Interested in this enjoyable, low-cost hobby? Wish you could shoot your colleague that is fifty feet away from your office rather than the one who is five feet away? NerfHaven and NerfHeadquarters could be the place you were looking for.
The modification of a new Nerf blaster is a wonderful thing. It can be challenging, but extremely rewarding.

Let us say, for instance, that you are cleaning out your parents' basement. There you find a toy pistol with a foam dart in the barrel. You pull back on the ring and aim at your brother, who has been helping you with this chore. Pulling the trigger, the dart is launched out of the pistol, and hits the ground only a few feet away. Your brother, who was on the other side of the room (a mere 20 feet away, if that), laughs at the poor performance and suggests that you go play a "real man's" game like paintball or airsoft.

Later that night you are stewing over the incident. You remember how much fun you had with that toy when you were young, but now it seemed so unimpressive. It couldn't even hit the opposite wall of a room! Bored, however, you pick up the blaster again. You've already put some rubber bands around the ring in order to pull it forward faster and harder, and now the pistol was shooting a little further. Still unsatisfied, however, and noticing the screws in the blaster, you decide to open the toy. Inside, you find a spring on a large piston. Apparently, the force of the air compressed by the piston forced the dart out of the barrel. Seeing the innards, you would think that the dart would at least go a few feet further.

So, you get to work. First, you see that the piston does not form a very good seal with its cylindrical chamber. So, you wrap a few layers of electrical tape over the aged and rotting rubber. Reassembling the blaster and shooting the dart again, you see that the range has increased a little.

Opening the pistol again, you take out the piston's cylinder and the attached barrel. While tying to think of something else to do, you absently look into the cylinder. Strangely, you can't see much light coming through the barrel. "Aha!" you think: something is blocking the flow of the pressurized air. After retrieving your power drill, you drill a hole through the blockers. Also, you see a length of PVC pipe sitting in the corner of your workshop. The foam dart fits much tighter in the pipe than in the toy's stock barrel, so you cut off the old barrel and put on several inches of PVC pipe.

Fitting everything back together, you put the dart in the barrel and push it to the back with a pen. You cock the pistol, pull the trigger, and the piston moves forward, but nothing happens: the dart didn't leave the barrel! But it did get pushed forward a little, so you try again. This time the dart makes it all the way to the wall, though far below the point at which you aimed. In one sense you are pleased that you can now at least hit the opposite wall, but you are also disappointed by the inaccuracy and the fact that it took two tries for the dart to leave the barrel. You decide to retire for the night.

Lying awake, you continue to think about the latest results of your little endeavor. Suddenly, you have another eureka moment with the realization that the barrel that you made is too long. Trying this the next day, you get better results. The dart always leaves the barrel on the first try, and the dart hits the wall a little harder and only just below the point at which you aimed.

Two days later, your brother and his wife stop by for a visit. While the wives were off in another room, you pull the toy pistol from a drawer and hit your brother in the back of the head. He cries out, but you know it is much more out of surprise than pain; you shot yourself in the head at pointblank range to make sure it was safe, and it only stung a little. Turning around, he gapes as he recognizes the toy that you had found a few days ago, now transformed into quite the beast. You pull a second pistol from the drawer, one that you had bought from a toy store the other day and modified using what you had learned from your first modification. You tossed it to your brother, and he shoots it down the hall. He says, "Hey, these are pretty cool."

You think to yourself how right he is, but instead of wasting time by telling him you merely say:

"Wanna war?"

Nerf: Cheap, fun, and a great hobby. What’s to lose?

Edit: 1/26/08-Typo- C-A_99
Edit: 1/27/08-Stefan Paragraph- Carbon

Edited by Ubermensch, 27 January 2008 - 07:44 AM.

  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#2 bobafett109

bobafett109

    Member

  • Members
  • 115 posts

Posted 26 January 2008 - 08:20 AM

I really like it. Sorry, that I couldn't help more, but school started piling work back on, and I had to spend more time doing work. I really like how it transitions. I also think it was great how you included parts of everyone's essay. I really think we should submit this, but let's get the OK from an admin before we do.
  • 0
QUOTE(Carbon @ Feb 17 2008, 10:17 PM) View Post

QUOTE(FoamSniper @ Feb 18 2008, 12:08 AM) View Post

You're probably all wondering how to get a range of 95' from a mech 20

I was figuring you threw it.

#3 Rambo

Rambo

    Fear the Robble...

  • Members
  • 1,807 posts
  • Location:Allentown, PA

Posted 26 January 2008 - 10:53 AM

I'll get to work mid-week - Tuesday or Thursday - on this.
  • 0

#4 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 26 January 2008 - 03:52 PM

Thanks, Boba! You helped a lot! After all, you were the one who started the first essay thread.

RAMBO, try to cut it down to 1,000 or under words.
  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#5 sn1per

sn1per

    Member

  • Banned
  • 249 posts
  • Location:A small town in Michigan that you've never heard of, so don't bother asking.

Posted 26 January 2008 - 04:38 PM

Perfect.
QUOTE(Scotch @ Feb 3 2008, 05:47 PM) View Post

sn1per I appreciate your humor, that made me laugh literally out loud.

"It's a free country, UNDER MY DICTATORSHIP!!!"
-Connor

#6 Rambo

Rambo

    Fear the Robble...

  • Members
  • 1,807 posts
  • Location:Allentown, PA

Posted 26 January 2008 - 04:49 PM

Perfect.


... far from it ...

I should be able to cut it down by the next Saturday-ish, but no promises.
  • 0

#7 C-A 99

C-A 99

    Member

  • Members
  • 80 posts
  • Location:48084
  • State:Michigan
  • Country:United States

Posted 26 January 2008 - 05:29 PM

"...these great innovators have not only shown others the way, but prevent that Nerf can compete with range comparable to paintball gun ranges. Among others, these four have been essential in making Nerf as enjoyable as it is today."

On the 8th paragraph, I believe "prevent" should be "proven".

Interesting essay... However, since I'm not really into writing, I'm not sure how it could be improved. (other than the typo I just pointed out)

Funny coincidence, I just got some FBR and hot glue today to begin experimenting. Overall, my progress with nerf has been very slow (last time I did anything was a RF20 repair a few months ago), but today, I just happened to remember to get that stuff. (however, I don't have any weights yet)
  • 0

#8 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 26 January 2008 - 06:13 PM

Noted.

By the war, I'm exactly the same! I can make stefans now, but still, I mostly war with stock darts.
  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#9 Team Slaya

Team Slaya

    Member

  • Members
  • 615 posts
  • Location:Massachusetts

Posted 26 January 2008 - 08:21 PM

I like it... but I think that you should decide whether this is an article or whether it is a piece of fiction. The whole section about opening up the blaster and modding it and such doesn't seem to fit with the jibe of the article, nor the place where you're submitting it to. If you're out of ideas for why Nerf is awesome and everyone should do it, which should get you at least close to your 1000 words, I think you should stop there.

Other than that I think it's good to go. I'm crossing my fingers for it to get picked and published, which would kick SO much ass.

TS
  • 0

#10 CaptainSlug

CaptainSlug

    Resident Mad Scientist

  • Administrators
  • 4,761 posts

Posted 26 January 2008 - 08:26 PM

It's very fragmented as it is now. There's no underlying structural mode that ties the whole piece together. It needs to be in some format, be it a narrative piece, a persuasive piece, or just an informative piece.
  • 0
The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee. I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?

#11 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 26 January 2008 - 09:15 PM

I'm waiting to see what RAMBO comes up with, then I'll revise more. :D
  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#12 Carbon

Carbon

    Contriberator

  • Moderators
  • 1,893 posts
  • Location:Milwaukee, WI
  • State:Wisconsin
  • Country:United States

Posted 27 January 2008 - 12:07 AM

The Stefan paragraph is a bit unclear, as it never actually states that a Stefan is a homemade Nerf dart. It would probably be better to restyle that paragraph to say that modded guns gain accuracy and range by using homemade darts made from foam backer rod, and that they're called Stefans in honor of their inventor. It's just meaningless lingo, otherwise.
  • 0
Hello. I am Indigo of the Rainbow Clan. You Nerfed my father. Prepare to die.

#13 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 27 January 2008 - 07:44 AM

Noted.

Edited by Ubermensch, 27 January 2008 - 07:44 AM.

  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#14 Hicks

Hicks

    Member

  • Members
  • 12 posts
  • Location:Worcester, MA

Posted 01 February 2008 - 12:00 PM

I have to agree with Slug -- it doesn't have a cohesive enough structure to be considered by MAKE. The word choice could also use some work, and it almost seems that the general tone of the piece is that of an infomercial.

I don't mean to be rude, nor hurt anyone's feelings -- and for my first post, I'm afraid this might generate some enmity -- but I've always been something of a perfectionist when it comes to essay writing, and I'm fairly certain that any decent magazine is going to see it the same way. You're much more likely to get published if you clean it up, because the effort will be visible.

[EDIT: If I get a chance, I'll go through and do a rewrite. Life's kinda busy, right now, but I'll see what I can do. Least I can do, after acting like such a condescending arse. =P]

Edited by Hicks, 01 February 2008 - 12:05 PM.

  • 0
His pot is blacker than his kettle!

#15 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 01 February 2008 - 12:09 PM

Glad you're interested. Please post all revisions and ideas.
  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#16 sam

sam

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,059 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul
  • State:Minnesota
  • Country:United States

Posted 01 February 2008 - 12:44 PM

Here are just some basic edits to your essay. I got rid of the little story thing at the end, its not a bad idea, but at the very least should be rewritten. So here it is:

Remember that old Nerf gun you have lying around? You know, the one you pick up and shoot the employee in the next cubicle with? Well, have you ever wanted to hit the guy five cubicles down?

You won’t be able to do that with any old Nerf gun. “Then, how do I hit him?” you might ask. Simple: nerfhaven.com is a website devoted entirely to Nerf guns. How to modify them, how to make your own darts for them (called “Stefans,” since Stefan is the name of person who invented them), and even how to make your own gun from scratch!
Nerf is a hobby that many people can enjoy, due to its many aspects. In the Nerf Internet Community (NIC), the aspects that have the most practitioners are the modification of Nerf blasters and the use of modified blasters in organized Nerf “wars.” The former obviously appeals to those who enjoy working with their hands and solving mechanical problems; the latter appeals to children and those who are children at heart.

One longtime Nerfer once said that he liked to Nerf because “you get to think like an engineer, and act like an 8 year old." Adults and teens that love to tinker around with things enjoy Nerf. Meanwhile, the idea of a Nerf war may take adults back to their days of playing “army,” and younger adults may even remember their days of playing similar games with unmodified Nerf blasters. In fact, Nerf can also be a great way for parents to connect with their children.

There are other aspects to Nerfing. One that is very similar, but more complicated than modifying a Nerf blaster, is the production of a “homemade” Nerf blaster (or, simply, “homemades”). Generally utilizing such materials as PVC pipe and polycarbonate, homemades often replicate or improve upon the mechanisms that mass-produced Nerf blasters are made with; other Nerfers have come up with ideas that were never used in the mass produced toy blasters.

There is even an aspect of the Nerfing hobby that is artistic. Many people have given their blasters (modified or left otherwise stock) new paintjobs. Some merely like the aesthetics, while others find them useful as props for costumes.
Starting with LISTSERVs in the early ‘90s and through the forum systems of today, NerfHaven and NerfHeadquarters, the concept of Nerf has improved greatly through hundreds of innovative inventions.

The Stefan, or the homemade nerf dart, is perhaps the greatest of such inventions. They are made of lengths of Foam Backer Rod, sometimes known as caulk saver, weighted with fishing weights, small washers, or small (1/4”) slingshot ammunition. Invented by Canadian Nerfer Stefan Mohr, its concept has been transferred over to many other dart forms and has been elaborated on by many – a great symbol of this community’s ability to work with one another. Stefans can be found in any true Nerfer’s home as well as many parks and schools across America. These venues have played host to many great wars over the years.

Apocalypse, Armageddon, Deal, Reckoning, and Yellowstone Area Nerf Outing – all these wars have been integral in the perpetuation of the hobby over all these years. Organized by clans such as the Lawn Chair Mafia, LGLF, and Horsemen, they serve as the proving ground for all the ideas that seemed so great on paper. In death-match and capture-the-flag scenarios, mostly, Nerfers can test their worth and determine if they deserve to be known as one of the greats. Of course, as with all hobbies, there are multiple ways to achieve greatness. Participants of the forums who modify and create their own Nerf-like blasters (referred to as homemades) are often revered just as highly as those “gods” of the fields.

Innovators such as Boltsniper, CaptainSlug, Carbon, and Forsaken_Angel24 have commanded much respect of the NIC since their first posts of modifications and homemades. These engineers of the sport have perpetuated it as much as the organizers of formal events. With modifications that changed the Rapid Fire 20, an automatic 20 round nerf blaster, into the Rapid Fire 40 (more commonly known as The Eyes of Fire), and homemades such as the Fast Action Rifle (FAR), a clip-fed bolt action blaster, that blew every member’s mind, these great innovators have shown many others the great potential in modified blasters. Among others, these four have been essential in making Nerf as enjoyable as it is today.

One area where Nerfing has a distinct advantage over paintball or airsoft is cost. Nerf, allows the average person to pick it up without burning a hole in his or her pocket. For instance, to equip yourself with one decent weapon for paintball, you could effectively finance yourself for nearly six months of Nerfing with as many as three or four heavily modified weapons.

Many also see Nerfing as a more relaxed war-game. Minimal protection is necessary, only enough to protect the eyes from the moderate-by-comparison projectiles. Although you will not bleed or retain bruising as easily as you would from paintball or airsoft, you can still feel Stefans hit you. These two key factors primarily embody the mindset that allows most Nerfers to consider our hobby more enjoyable than the others.

Interested in this enjoyable, low-cost hobby? Wish you could shoot your colleague that is fifty feet away from your office rather than the one who is five feet away? NerfHaven and NerfHeadquarters, and many other Nerf-related websites, could be the place you’re looking for.

Nerf: Cheap, fun, and a great hobby. What’s to lose?
  • 0

#17 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 01 February 2008 - 01:32 PM

Nice--how many words?
  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher

#18 sam

sam

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,059 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul
  • State:Minnesota
  • Country:United States

Posted 01 February 2008 - 02:21 PM

924 words.
  • 0

#19 Forsaken angel24

Forsaken angel24

    Member

  • Contributors
  • 2,471 posts

Posted 01 February 2008 - 02:37 PM

The only thing I don't like about it is the ending.

"Whats to lose?"
It has a negative connotation to it.

I respect what you guys are doing here.
I cannot think of something to replace it though.
  • 0
I don't get my kicks out of you,
I don't feel the way I used to do.
I know its bad,
After what we had,
But I’m just not the angel you knew.

#20 sam

sam

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,059 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul
  • State:Minnesota
  • Country:United States

Posted 01 February 2008 - 02:50 PM

Maybe something like Get out there and nerf! or Nerf it up Foos!
  • 0

#21 zaphodB

zaphodB

    Member

  • Members
  • 369 posts
  • Location:Indianapolis, IN

Posted 01 February 2008 - 03:46 PM

It still has some flow issues. Some things are elaborated on too much (stefens), and others seem childish (avoid hypothetical questions, it's an essay). However, it is making progress.
  • 0
Alice came to the fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

#22 OfAllTheNerf

OfAllTheNerf

    Member

  • Members
  • 714 posts

Posted 01 February 2008 - 04:12 PM

The only thing I don't like about it is the ending.

"Whats to lose?"
It has a negative connotation to it.

I respect what you guys are doing here.
I cannot think of something to replace it though.


How about the classic "Nerf on or fuck off"?

No, that probably wouldn't get a very good reaction.

But I digress. I agree with Angel though, I don't really like the ending. It implies that the only people who Nerf are people who don't have anything to lose... Like a constipated Russian monkey...

Anyways, here are a few things:

I agree that some things are given a little too much attention, the primary being Paintjobs and Stefans.

Also, in the beginning it sounds like you're advertising for Nerfhaven; it's not like we're desperate or anything (not that we don't like new memebers either).

I'll try to look at it if I get time, but school is being a bit of a bitch recenetly.

Best of luck.
  • 0
[color=#FF6600][Finesse]-[BitchX]

#23 Green Riptide

Green Riptide

    Member

  • Members
  • 100 posts
  • Location:Columbus, Ohio

Posted 03 February 2008 - 12:45 AM

revise/edits in blue

Remember that old NERF blaster you have lying around? The one you occasionally use for inter-cubicle warfare? It turns out that a group of enterprising hobbyists known collectively as the Nerf Internet Community (NIC) have taken a liking to modding their NERF weaponry- taking apart the blasters and customizing them with beefed-up components. With a little help from the NIC, you could easily be tagging the guy ten cubicles away.

To begin, you'll probably want to visit one of the numerous dedicated NERF modding websites. nerhaven.com has been in operation for x years since it replaced the [landmark/hobby-founding/revolutionary.. i don't know, I never saw it] website nerf online, and has an extensive catalog of over z "write-ups", illustrated guides to turbocharging your dart blasters. Also to be found at "the haven" are articles, videos, and a community that provides helpful tips, tech support, and commentary for fellow "Nerfers." No holds are barred in the foam arms race as Nerfers remove built-in air-restrictors, replace barrels, and craft their own darts or blasters. Some apply weathering and custom paintjobs or other 'cosmetic' mods to complete the package- one NIC member's NERF recreation of the Lancer rifle from popular Xbox360 game "Gears of War" was recently seen on (insert most prestigious of places lancer appeared here). "Nerfers" routinely double or triple the stock ranges of their blasters, but what truly makes the hobby what it is occurs after the last pieces of duct tape are in place.




intro rewritten to be more concise. If you're going to explain stefans later, don't do it partially now. nerfhaven introduced as a case-in-point, inferring more sites like it, making the hobby seem more widespread. Ending transitions into the nerf war paragraph well.

When asked why he enjoyed the hobby, one longtime Nerfer replied “you get to think like an engineer, and act like an 8 year old."
'liked' is a weak term, don't use 'nerf' as the verb twice, introduce quotes better... a good quote, but could we rephrase it? i.e. - when we asked one longtime nerfer what his favorite part of the hobby was, he replied,'thinking like an engineer and then acting like an 8 yearold.'

Adults and teens prone to DIY find plenty to love in the NERF world, and with NERF blasters still found in stores today, Nerfing can be a great way for parents to connect with their children.

goooooood. *maniacal finger-twiddling* reference the parent-child connectivity bit as much as you can. throw in the healthy outdoor activity bit, and we've got a winner. the only thing better than this is if there were some study indicating nerfers performed better on the presidential fitness test or in school.

Apocalypse, Armageddon, and Reckoning are not the names of proffesional wrestlers – they, along with the Yellowstone Area Nerf Outing, (other big war) and (other big war) are what hobbyists refer to as "NERF wars." Nerfers organize into teams to play capture-the-flag or "team deathmatch" much like paintball or airsoft enthusiasts, but instead of dedicated facilities the low-impact NERF hobby requires only a local park or rec area - some NERF wars even take place indoors. Wars also serve as the proving ground for all the ideas that seemed so great on paper Nerfers can test their worth and determine if they deserve to be known as one of the greats. Of course, there are multiple ways to gain respect in the NIC. Forum-goers who modify and create their own Nerf-like blasters out PVC and lawn sprinklers (referred to as homemades) are often revered just as highly as those “gods” of the fields. (nice transition to the 'prominent NIC members' paragraph.)

"blasters" in place of guns, "tag" instead of shoot.. I'm not aware if there are actual terms used for this like paintball's "marker", but to avoid negative connotation it should probably be done.
I've tried to refocus the essay so that nerfhaven is a case study of an entire community, which it is, technically.. nerfhaven kinds of stands alone above everything else, though. It's probably best to liken nerf modding to more familiar/accepted forms of customization/pimping ( comparing to the drift racing community is probably a decent one, except that many drift events are illegal/have scantily-clad females, so parents might not want that)
there are too many rhetorical questions. You want the reader to infer that you have some authority on the subject- if you ask the reader too many things he or she gains control of the topic.
I left the introductory sentence the same, but depending on who the article is targeted to that might need changing. If we're just targeting DIY-ers then some of the more basic introduce-the-idea-of-modding stuff is probably unneeded, but if we're targeting parents buying toys for their children then the cubicle stuff is possibly unrelated. I think the target demographic for NERF is teen/young adult males, so cubicles probably aren't the best reference, and they probably have some familiarity with DIY-type activity, so this most likely needs additional editing for that. I kind of seesawed on whether to capitalize all of 'Nerf' - i think we should, since 'nerfing' is actually an Internet term now; you know, "rogues got nerfed last update" or "mods need to nerf mythril swords, they do way too much damage."


um.. more later when I feel like it, I guess.

Edited by Green Riptide, 03 February 2008 - 01:01 AM.

  • 0

#24 Agent Jonny B

Agent Jonny B

    Member

  • Members
  • 25 posts

Posted 03 February 2008 - 10:24 AM

I'll definitely be taking a closer look at this, very good read so far, though! I too will see if I can come up with a great ending line. Peace, dude!
  • 0
HvZ Theatrical Trailer 2012 - Rise of the Resistance

#25 Ubermensch

Ubermensch

    Member

  • Members
  • 1,054 posts
  • Location:Cross River, New York 10518

Posted 05 February 2008 - 07:00 AM

RAMBO, have you finished your edit yet?
  • 0
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."-Carl Sagan
Nerf Rocket Air Launcher


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users