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#363961 I will be at Armageddon XX.

Posted by Spoon on 04 June 2019 - 03:59 AM in Nerf Wars

I'm old and out of shape, but I'll be there to fuck shit up.


Oh, and it's Dr. Spoon now bitches.



#339794 Last Armageddon (Armageddon XV)

Posted by Spoon on 26 June 2014 - 02:40 PM in Nerf Wars

Hot damn everyone, that was amazing. Thank you all for a badass war! A fantastic reminder of how much I love (and have missed) Nerfing. Definitely going to try to make it to more wars from now on.

Some highlights for me:

-Seeing Groove again, because he's fucking awesome. As well as Bags (also fucking awesome), and a whole bunch of other people I remember from years past.

-Meeting (well, re-meeting technically) Langley and Ice Nine, who are both badasses and incredibly nice.

-Meeting the Crossbow-toting, purple-headband-wearing Seattle duo who are super rad and very generous, both in terms of giving gifts and "generously" shooting me repeatedly.

-Watching Thorn and that young girl (who was she?!) completely dominate four grown men in the speed rounds. Unbelievable. Sorry I had to take you out later in one-on-one Thorn, but I have a (largely fictitious) reputation to uphold! ;)

-Watching in horror as my team got completely and unambiguously owned in missile crisis.

-That time, at the conclusion of my ill-fated last-minute missile run, when I laid down on the concrete and seriously considered vomiting and/or passing out from exhaustion.

-Feeling like a weird combination of C-rate celebrity and creepy old guy.

-Trying to decide how I felt about the fact that about a third of the attendees were younger than Armageddon itself. Proud? Old? Both?

-Feeling satisfied that, after five years away, the Nerfing performance I lost on account of my out-of-practice aim I seemed to gain back from having lost thirty pounds.

-Marveling at what great sports everyone was and how there wasn't a single dick, rule-breaker, or hit-denier. Seriously, such a great group.

-Being intimidated by the speed and proficiency of Langley's pastrami-eating skillz.

-Expressing my unrequited love for Falcon in a lunchtime voicemail that apparently caused him to almost wreck his car while he listened to it.

-Reflecting on the amazing current state of mods and homemades while being repeatedly lasered from like a hundred feet away.

-Remembering why I love Nerf so much and why I've spent 20 years (off and on) Nerfing.

Thanks so much to all of you! Until the next time....

#339488 Last Armageddon (Armageddon XV)

Posted by Spoon on 11 June 2014 - 06:26 PM in Nerf Wars

We uh...we added some new word filters.

Apparently. This explains a lot.

#339485 Last Armageddon (Armageddon XV)

Posted by Spoon on 11 June 2014 - 06:19 PM in Nerf Wars

There is a 69% chance that I will be there.

This would be my first Nerf war since Armageddon X in 2009. Jesus Christ has it really been 15 years since I completely pwned Vacc the entire first Armageddon? I'm getting too old for this shit. Hopefully I can still shoot straight.

Looking forward to hopefully seeing some old faces and meeting throngs of sweaty teenagers who probably have no clue who I am or why I deserve their subservience.

Thanks to Langley for tracking me down. Hot damn, you all have been busy little beavers.

#279783 'geddon 'leven Date Set July 10, 2010

Posted by Spoon on 08 July 2010 - 09:15 PM in Nerf Wars

Oh shit.

I had completely forgotten that it was summer, and that summer means Armageddon, and that I LIKE going to Armageddon.

I just looked it up and it's this Saturday and I can't come. This fucking sucks as I was looking forward to it.

Do you see what happens when you become an adult? DO YOU SEE HOW LIFE BECOMES PAIN?

#240646 Armageddon X

Posted by Spoon on 07 July 2009 - 01:32 PM in Nerf Wars

Also, goo wants a blowjob. Which of you panty-runs are impressed enough with my legacy to get down on your knees.

Jesus....I thought you were in jail or something.

#240466 Armageddon X

Posted by Spoon on 06 July 2009 - 04:52 PM in Nerf Wars

You're gonna nerf for half an hour before they just sit down and start discussing gallbladders

Prostates, actually. Gotta get those yearly exams you know. It's ok little buddy, in a few years you'll catch up.

Falcon: /shrug. I am bringing some friends though (two, maybe three).

#240165 Armageddon X

Posted by Spoon on 04 July 2009 - 04:37 PM in Nerf Wars

Most of you mouth-breathers probably don't even know what Nerf Online is (well, was). Suffice to say, if it wasn't for Hal there would probably be no "Nerf Internet Community" today. Or at least, it wouldn't be nearly as large. Hal helped me organize the very first LANOs way back in 1998 (how many of you fuckers were even born then?). I can't give him a ride but one of you had better, as he deserves your respect.

He also deserves to be repeatedly shot in the beanbag with foam darts. So let's get on that.

#209178 Armageddon X

Posted by Spoon on 03 February 2009 - 03:31 AM in Nerf Wars

The only "FRIENDS" you have are Ph34R and that bottle of Pantene ProV in your shower.

Pantene? What do you take me for, an amateur? Please. Everyone knows that Pantene ProV contains alchohol and will totally dry your hair out, making it frizzier and more prone to split ends. Do YOU want SPLIT ENDS VACCALLICA? DO YOU?!

Godammit man. I expect more from you.

These days, it's strictly organic shit that steph buys at Whole Foods, because in the trendy part of LA where we live if you shop anywhere except Whole Foods or Trader Joes they drag you out into the street and shoot you like a dog.

#208868 Armageddon X

Posted by Spoon on 02 February 2009 - 03:25 AM in Nerf Wars

Wow, 10 years.......I'm fucking old

Right? I mean, Jesus.....

Seriously it'll turn out like that Armageddon where we sent spoon off with all the little kids...

Hey, maybe that explains why we see so little of spoon now.

Dude, don't ever do that to me again. My sacrifice as kindergarten teacher that day earned me the right to be a dick to all of you forever.

Anyway yeah I'll be there. I'll probably bring friends. Maybe the wife too.

#192005 I Don't Know How To Tell You This.....

Posted by Spoon on 25 November 2008 - 10:43 PM in General Nerf

Show up to more stuff


#192003 I Don't Know How To Tell You This.....

Posted by Spoon on 25 November 2008 - 10:42 PM in General Nerf

Hey spoon, I knew your stuff since I was 8 years old, I looked at your Nerf page, it was sweet.

Funny you mention it, I was just looking at my original Nerf page the other night for the first time in like 6 or 7 years. It was....interesting.

Time to start making some new nerfers! :P

OMG go to Hell.

You're such a loser.

Don't be jealous Mikey. You know we could never have worked long-term.

Besides, notice that I neglected to mention what we all did that NIGHT.....


#191839 I Don't Know How To Tell You This.....

Posted by Spoon on 25 November 2008 - 02:35 AM in General Nerf

One day, when you all least expect it, I'm going to just randomly show up at a Nerf war. And I'll be like "Hey" and you'll all be like "OMGSPOONWTF?!" and then I'll laugh.

Or, more accurately, you'll be like "WTF newb who are you?", and I'll become angry.


I got married a few weeks ago. (to Stephanie, in case anybody is keeping track)

But that's not what's important.

What's important is that for my bachelor party, my three best guy friends and I Nerfed. All. Fucking. Day.

Keep the dream alive gentlemen.


#143196 Oh My God.

Posted by Spoon on 29 February 2008 - 02:56 PM in General Nerf

Ahhh the more things change the more they stay the same....

Actually I've been living in LA for 2 years. Fuck the OC.

And no, the license plate cover has long since been committed to the junkyard. Along with most of my memory regarding who any of you are.

#143063 Oh My God.

Posted by Spoon on 28 February 2008 - 07:14 PM in General Nerf

So I get busy with life for a little while year or so....and I come back and what do I find? Vacc's active again? The site has grown insanely? There are tons of new guns and new mods and they're coming out with another BELT-FED gun (useless perhaps but OMG that makes me tingle). And who the FUCK is this Slug guy and HOW CAN HE BE SO AWESOME?

I feel like a n00b, it makes me sad. In the face of professional bullshit ala the +bow, the near-constant awesome-sounding wars and the ridiculous levels of Nerf-related output by this community, is there any place in the Nerf world for a mid-twenties asshole with little relevance and less remaining skill, who just wants to coast by on his quickly-fading reputation alone and who also has a habit of disappearing every other year?

Damn my busy, awesome life! Damn it to hell!!

#93578 Yano October/november

Posted by Spoon on 03 November 2006 - 02:57 AM in Nerf Wars


So it turns out I can't make the war. But it's not my fault. Honest. I'm actually kind of pissed about it. My film got into a festival in Hollywood and my screening is, you guessed it, Saturday. I kind of have to be there, seeing as how I'm the director and all. The screening is two hours and I have to be there early to set up so I won't be able to make the war. You know, the war which looks like it's going to be fucking awesome.

So sorry guys, I'm really bummed I'm going to miss this, I've REALLY been looking forward to shooting the crap out of all of you.

#88639 Fall Caff 2006

Posted by Spoon on 31 August 2006 - 03:29 AM in Nerf Wars

Unfortunately I'll be in Colorado on that day. Bah.

My weekends fill up quickly these days due to my fabulous and star-studded social life. We should probably get on planning the YANO (and by "we", I mean "somebody not as flaky as I am"), as I'm already booked up through September and parts of October.

#88638 Armageddon Recap Thread

Posted by Spoon on 31 August 2006 - 03:21 AM in Nerf Wars

Haha that video is awesome. I don't remember the war being quite that "Effeminate", but I do think we should just play that music looped for the entirety of the next war.

I was sad that I had to leave before the last battle, that was really a great war. One of the best Armageddons yet IMO.

#85448 Armageddon Recap Thread

Posted by Spoon on 21 July 2006 - 02:01 AM in Nerf Wars

As much as I love to poke fun at Falcon (and believe me, I do love it so) I have to wonder what the BFD is? I didn't notice him (or anyone for that matter) taking things too seriously at the war. For all his "intensity", he's not the one bitching about "West coast tactics" and teammates not following in lock-step with their leaders. Because I am obviously the B3ST NERFER EVAR!!!11!, let me provide you with my fully researched dissertation on West coast tacitcs:

1. Try to shoot the enemy.
2. When you get your ass shot off, try to get your teammates to help you.
3. If they don't, call them homosexuals.
4. Repeat.

None of us out here (again, except for Falcon) Nerf anywhere near often enough to develop any kind of team-spirit or tactical sensibility. Also, we're all hippies. Again perhaps I had my "stupid asshole" glasses on that day, but I really never noticed anybody not counting hits either, except for the expected one or two disagreements. Then again, it wasn't like my slow ass was lasting till the end of every round....but still, it all seemed pretty par for the course.

I would also like to join Cxwq in commending Falcon on finding some fucking awesome war locations. Despite the hassle some people faced in getting there, that school was worth it, and in the end everyone made it anyway. If a couple mom's had to get bent out of shape in the process, then that's just the sacrifice one pays to have the privelege of Nerfing with me.

Now then, onto the real purpose of this post:

Awesome war everyone. This war reminded me what I had been missing the last 6-odd months and I deeply regretted the fact that I had to leave a bit early and miss the afterparty. Believe me, after mixing pheromones with you people all day, the one thing I truly wanted to do was to go watch all of you be stupid together.

It was great seeing everyone again, especially Groove (who, like it or not, is a regular now). It was also nice re-meeting OMC and Kuhlshrank who both seem like really cool guys and were a lot of fun to Nerf with.

Now then, to properly get things started for next year:

East Coaster's have sex with animals. ALL THE TIME.

#80076 April Yano Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 16 April 2006 - 12:40 AM in Nerf Wars

It wouldn't have been so awkward if you'd just said "yes".

#80075 I, For One, Welcome Our New Ass-kicking Overlords

Posted by Spoon on 16 April 2006 - 12:32 AM in News

By the way, when did we decide to go with the whole blue motiff, I wasn't properly memoed.

I concur. This should have been decided upon during an Administrative Meeting. We should double-check with Legal.

>presses intercom<

Suzie, get me a coffee, double-cream no suger and get me a rimjob or I'll have YOUR job!

>releases intercom<

You just can't find good help these days....

#78018 April Yano Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 29 March 2006 - 07:19 AM in Nerf Wars

OMFG Ray.....I'm glad you're not dead!

Bring your walker to Armageddon so we can all laugh at you.

If the road to recovery gets rough....take heart in the knowledge that you are now, officially, a cyborg. A fact which inspires jealousy from many in the general public.

#76689 April Yano Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 17 March 2006 - 10:22 PM in Nerf Wars

I'll be there. For realZ this time.

#75777 Armageddon '06 Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 10 March 2006 - 07:40 PM in Nerf Wars

I'm not exactly trying to insult anybody...

But whatever...I guess I'd just prefer to go and meet peop[le with smiles all around the morning thereof rather than jhave everybody at each others throats before round 1.

But you know, I doubt if anything can stop that now anyway...

Whatever. I'm over it.

You DO know that I only say stuff like that to get a rise out of you, don't you?

Besides....smack talk, like shooting birds and bludgeoning children, is one of the grand past-times of Nerf!

Groove: That was fucking sweet man. One of these days I want to get a actual poster like that of me made.....

#75620 Armageddon '06 Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 08 March 2006 - 11:46 PM in Nerf Wars

I'm sure they hurt quite a bit...but you have to hit us first.

All in jest, of course.

Dude, Falcon, I love you and all....but you throw insults at people the way a baby throws creamed carrots at the wall.

#75465 Spring Caff 2006

Posted by Spoon on 07 March 2006 - 06:16 AM in Nerf Wars

My birthday is on May 28th and given the fact that I'll likely be recovering from the ricockulous "Happy Birthday" orgy the night before......I probably won't be there.

#75464 Armageddon '06 Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 07 March 2006 - 06:14 AM in Nerf Wars

That interview recording must never see the light of day damn-it, NEVER!

Why that REMINDS me.......I seem to remember..... >flips through backup CD's< Hmmm....yes here it is. Why it's an audio interview with you, me and Ozzy before Armageddon 2k1.

Hmm, yes let's listen to it shall we? Hmm yes here we go-



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA>heaving breath<HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA>cough<HAHAHAhahahahahahahahahaaaahhaaaaahaaaaahehhehhehhehheeeehoohooheee......

How much is it worth to you big man?

#75192 Armageddon '06 Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 04 March 2006 - 09:40 PM in Nerf Wars

I think what Talio is trying to say is that he's afraid.

It's ok Talio, little boys are allowed to cry.

Grown men however never cry. No, they just go outside and chop wood.

When I flew out to Jersey a few years ago I pretty much got my ass kicked (YOU try playing in a forest with a Powerclip against all long range guns!), so the way I look at it; I owe you East coast fuckers one!

#74613 Armageddon '06 Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 28 February 2006 - 06:24 AM in Nerf Wars

The thing is this. If I were to come to armageddon, I don't just wanna see spoon, I want him to spoon me. Otherwise the t-shirt won't make any sense.


If you make it down for Armageddon, I'll do more than spoon you.....If you AND Death made it down.....well.....can we say "menage 'a sausage"?

As far as dates go.....at this point I have NO CLUE where I will be living (presumably either still in OC or somewhere in LA) or what I will be doing come June. Given my previous patterns however, I'll most likely just be sitting on the couch in my underwear watching the military channel.

So at this point any date is fine with me. Oh and FUCK Venado. Falcon's location seems like the best choice to me so far.

#74612 April Yano Planning Thread

Posted by Spoon on 28 February 2006 - 06:18 AM in Nerf Wars

Works for me at the moment.

#74611 Yano Recap Thread

Posted by Spoon on 28 February 2006 - 06:09 AM in Nerf Wars

The weights I use are slingshot pellets. They are 1/4" size steel slingshot pellets that you can buy near the gun rack at Wal-Mart. They come in packs of 200 I think. Sometimes Wal-Mart only has the 3/8" size though which obviously won't work. They're the perfect Stefan weights IMO.

#74471 Yano Recap Thread

Posted by Spoon on 26 February 2006 - 10:39 PM in Nerf Wars

Oh my god.

I'm sorry I no-showed at the war. I think this is the first LANO/YANO I have missed, ever. Like, in their entire 8 year history.

I ate something bad on Saturday and spent most of today shitting myself senseless. I wanted to die. I had made a ton of darts too.

Sorry I wasn't answering my phone, I really didn't feel like talking. In fact, for most of the day, my ass did the talking for me.

Let's please have another YANO soon, I can't tell you how pissed off I am.


#74207 Fall '06 Blasters

Posted by Spoon on 24 February 2006 - 10:42 PM in General Nerf


If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom with a printout of those pictures.....

#72319 Next Yano

Posted by Spoon on 04 February 2006 - 10:18 PM in Nerf Wars

All of your Saturdays are out for the next seven weeks? Ouch.

Steph and I will definitely be there. Matt Kashuba isn't coming back this semester so he's out. I'll see if Hubbard can come.

In other news.....Steph and I will take on any other Guy+Girlfriend team and will kick their ass.

#72009 Next Yano

Posted by Spoon on 31 January 2006 - 05:25 PM in Nerf Wars

Sorry for the delay in responding. The 26th is a go. I'll see who else I can bring. See you guys there!

#71588 Next Yano

Posted by Spoon on 24 January 2006 - 04:06 PM in Nerf Wars

First off, I'd just like to state that I never refused to attend another YANO unless the location changed. It was merely a strict request.

That said, Glendora is just dandy with me. The location pics and urban area look good. Not many of us are even from Orange County anymore anyway.

February is a bit tough for me as I'm on a shoot, so the first weekend I'd be available would be Feb 24th-25th. March is totally open but I don't want to wait that long if I don't have to.

#68318 YANO November 05

Posted by Spoon on 26 November 2005 - 12:23 AM in Nerf Wars

Ok final count on my end:
Steph (for a couple hours)
Hubbard maybe
Jordan maybe

Matt Kashuba flaked out so you can all think badly of him. I for one am looking forward to this. I'll be up all night making darts. See all you fairies tomorrow.

#67329 YANO November 05

Posted by Spoon on 08 November 2005 - 08:59 PM in Nerf Wars

Well I'm back from England. England is very damp.

Anyway, aside from this weekend (Nov 12-13) obviously, my schedule looks pretty open to whenever.

#66056 YANO November 05

Posted by Spoon on 18 October 2005 - 01:28 AM in Nerf Wars

I will be in England from Oct 31 to Nov 7. And it can't be next weekend. Other than that I'm cool with whenever.

#64684 Youre Computer Specs

Posted by Spoon on 30 September 2005 - 05:26 PM in Off Topic


P4 (Northwood) running at 3 ghz.
1 gig Corsair XMS ram
Abit IC7 mobo (awesome)
Radeon 9500 Pro (sigh....it still performs decently)
Audigy 2 EX Platinum Pro
Dual 17" CRT's
800 gigs total hard drive space (ahh video editing)

I REALLY wish I could upgrade, but alas such is the life of a poor film school grad.

Death: I want to murder you and take your video card. Hell, you're whole system. Except for my hard drives. I like those.